Things I have seen this week:
1) A man sitting on the street with a sign that said “Hungry Jew,” yelling “Shalom! Hey, how bout some food!? Shalom!”
2) A woman going down on a guy in a car parked outside the apartment I am staying in. The car was pulled about half over, and half still blocking the street. This seems to have been a very sudden decision, and my staring in disbelief did not deter either of them.
3) A busy Hispanic man taking trash out of my building being stopped by a middle aged white woman. “So, I have a sofa I have to get out of my apartment. When does the trash come to pick up something like that?”
“Next Friday,” he replied.
“THIS Friday? or NEXT Friday?”
“This Friday. In two days.”
“Well, I don’t know how I’m going to get the sofa out of my apartment.”
“I mean, I JUST don’t KNOW how I’m going to get it OUT!”
Man, that is so classy. I don’t know why he didn’t just help her. I mean, she cleared her throat several times and was obviously glaring at him in disgust. How could he fail to pick up on these clear signals?
4) Two men clap fighting on the subway. One man (obviously crazy) was harassing another guy, so a third guy steps in and asks him to stop. This of course infuriated the crazy man, who stood up and said he would drop the guy right there, and then clapped his hands for emphasis. This caused the brave defender to explain that no, he would in fact drop HIM, and clapped for emphasis. I guess, maybe, to show what powerful hands he had? Or maybe they were applauding each other? Anyway, the fight went something like this:
“I will drop you right here boy!” (clap)
“No, I will drop you!” (clap)
“I will f*** you up!” (clap)
“I’d like to see you f***ing try!” (clap)
etc, etc, etc. Actually it was very entertaining. I wanted to start dancing and throwing in a little beatbox.
5) A young guy, unable to decide if he wanted to get on a subway train or not. So he just stood in the doorway. Unfortunately for him, he had set his suitcase down behind him. The doors closed on him and he couldn’t open them again far enough to either get himself out or his suitcase in. Although, to be honest, I have seen this happen on the DC metro too. I guess crazy/stupid is universal. It obviously runs in my family anyway. Thanks New York, for making me feel right at home.