36 Reasons I Love My Wife

1) She knows where I left things. 2) She is beautiful. 3) She can find her way to anywhere if she’s been there once (or sometimes even zero times). 4) I have two wonderful children thanks to some hard work on her part. 5) She worries really hard about what presents to get for me. […]

How We Rescued My Wife From the Bathroom

“Daddy! Mommy’s stuck in the bathroom!” “No, no,” I chuckled, “I think maybe Mommy wants to be stuck in the bathroom. If she’s not coming out, why don’t we give her some space.” Ah, children, I thought to myself, someday they will understand why we adults get “stuck” in the bathroom sometimes. Mommy probably just needs some alone time. “No […]

Birthday Cake For a Dog

Anna turned 1 on Friday, and the kids demanded that we throw her a birthday party. She needed presents, and bacon for breakfast, and to wear the birthday hat, and to eat cake. As a member of the family, she was entitled to all of the birthday accoutrements that one would normally reserve for humans. […]

The Government’s War on Birthdays

As if Christmas wasn’t enough for them, the government has come up with a horrifying plan to destroy your birthday and remove any and all fun from what is supposed to be your special day. In many, or most, if not all, states, you will find that, when you wake up on the morning of […]

Common Causes of Hair Loss in Tenor Dads

I have to be honest with you. I do not have as much hair as I used to. Look at me up there! Look at all that hair! And yet, where has it all gone? Well, there are a few reasons for what has happened. 1) Today is my birthday. I am another year older. […]

A Day in the Ancient Past – A People Without Technology

Modern life is easy to take for granted. We become accustomed to things so quickly, and things change so fast, that it is sometimes hard to remember what life used to be like for people back in olden times. This past weekend I had the opportunity to experience life as it used to be as […]

I Blinked and I Missed It

Hello, my name is Tenor Dad and I am an American. As a citizen of the United States I feel as though I am entitled to all of the things at all of the times in all of the places. The idea of choosing some things while not choosing others is only acceptable to me if […]

Your Presents Are Hidden Right There. Don’t Look.

I am, at my core, a rule follower. Yes, I like to bend them, twist them, squeak around them, and change them if I can, but in my heart of hearts I like rules. My daughter is the same way. Once there is a rule, that is it. She follows it, and expects everyone else […]

Just a Little Friendly, Old-Fashioned, Good-Natured Physical Abuse

Yesterday, as you know, was St. Patrick’s Day. I know you know this, because you either planned ahead and wore green, or you did not wear any green and then were mercilessly pinched all day by all the other festive jackholes who did. Yes, a little pinching for the non-begreeners has long been a tradition in […]

Vertical 2nd Grade Mustache Party

“8-year-old birthday parties are really fun!” I said to one of the moms who was coming to pick up her daughter. She gave me a half smile and asked, “Are you being facetious?” And I totally wasn’t. Friends! 8-year-olds are AWESOME! We have turned the page! It is a new day! A third cliché of […]