How to Make a Grand Budapest Hotel Cake

My regular readers will recall that, at my last Oscars party, I attempted to make a “Baked Nebraska” in honor of one of the nominated films. They will also recall how it was a complete disaster (but quite delicious), so everyone breathed a sigh of relief when no movies with the syllables “aska” were in […]

What I Give Up Breakfast For

Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. That’s what the cereal commercials told me. I can’t do my best if I don’t eat a good breakfast, right? Ah ha! That explains it! I have discovered the cause of all of my failures in life. All of the unmet potential can be traced back […]

The Tortoise, The Hare, and Their Frustrated Father

Once upon a time, in the era of fables and fairy tales, a young man named Aesop was walking through the woods when he discovered an unusual looking tree with a hollowed out trunk.  As Aesop climbed in to inspect this strange opening, he suddenly found himself in the distant future, where he met two […]

Seven Interesting Things to Do With Leftover Turkey

Whelp, Thanksgiving has come and gone here in America.  We have all gained ten pounds, and the Earth is starting to sag ever so slightly in our direction, due to the increasing weight of Americans.  But now that it is Friday, what are we supposed to do with all of these meaty turkey carcasses that […]

Some Thanksgiving Pre-Gaming Advice That You’ll Want To Read

It has been over a year now since my cousin lost his battle with brain cancer, but there are still so many moments that recall him to my mind, and Thanksgiving is definitely one of them.  He had some great advice for getting yourself ready for the big meal that has served me well all […]

It’s a Pizza… Covered in Fritos!

I couldn’t resist.  I love trying new things.  Yes, most new things are terrible, but I have to try them.  Root beer flavored Oreos.  Grape candy corn.  Cheeseburgers made of turkey.  All disgusting.  But I have tried them.  So it should come as no surprise then, that when I open the Papa John’s website to […]

The Trouble With Parents and Experts

As a baby, we rely on our parents for everything.  As a toddler we trust that they are infallible.  When we go off to school we transfer this invulnerability of thought to our teachers as our parents become imperfect morons.  Then we turn into teenagers and our teachers are just as dumb as our parents. […]

Watching My Kids Grow Up at the Maryland Renaissance Festival

We went to the Maryland Renaissance Festival for the first time back in 2005. It was awesome. Turkey legs. Fried macaroni and cheese on a stick. Fried everything on a stick! We loved it. So we went back again the next year.  I couldn’t find any pictures from 2006, but we have several million from […]

Smooth Edward: Bread Negotiator

I know it is technically Tenor Tuesday, and that you may be expecting some sort of music-related post from me today, but this thing happened yesterday and it was just too good not to share with you.  You see, I was out sitting in the courtyard of our co-op chatting with our neighbor Mecca (whom […]

I Never Get Anything I Want

This is a fairly accurate transcript of a conversation I had with my four-year-old last night, highlighting the futility of my existence. Edward: “Daddy, can we have dinner now?” Me: “Yes, I’ll go make dinner.” Edward: “Can we have chicken nuuuuuggets for dinner?” Me: “Ok.” Edward: “Can I have ketchup?” Me: “Yes.” Edward: “NO!  NOT […]