Birthday List

Edward is turning four tomorrow.  He is very excited about it and has a very specific list of presents that he would like.  In case any of you are wanting to send him a gift, here is a collection of his demands. 1) A Snort     Edward’s favorite book at the moment is “Are You […]

Today I Will

Today I will…be pleasant and cheerful 1 Today I will…pay my bills 2 Today I will…clean my house 3 Today I will…go to the gym 4 Today I will…organize all of my unopened mail and stacks of important papers 5 Today I will…eat a healthy lunch 6 Today I will…watch less television 7 Today I will…go […]

The 5 Most Annoying Things to Buy

We’ve all been there.  Trying to buy one small item, and stuck at the back of a line of the slowest, most obnoxious people imaginable.  These people (probably) are not trying to ruin your day, or make you late for something.  They are (probably) fine human beings with families that love them, and they may […]

Lies I Tell My Children

Just a minute. You don’t want to get wet. I’m not going to tell you again. You won’t like that. We don’t say that word in this house. I don’t care what the other kids are doing. Five more minutes. You don’t want to break your sister’s toys. I don’t know where your whistle is. […]

Things I Need to Remember (But Often Forget)

After a new haircut, I only need half the amount of shampoo I needed the shower before. Songs in your car don’t sound as good out of your car, no matter how much you want the rest of the world to hear them.  Your stereo is just not set up for that. Tailgating doesn’t cause […]

How Being a Parent is the Same as Being an Opera Singer

1) One of your main goals is to be louder than everyone else in the room. 2) Late nights, quick naps, and inconsistent sleeping patterns, 3) Everything you do is critiqued, loudly and angrily, by a small tyrant. 4) You are required to communicate in languages that you do not understand fluently. 5) When your […]

The Catch-22s of Parenting

– If your kid doesn’t get their nap, they will be overtired and won’t fall asleep well at night.  But if your kid gets a good nap in, they will be well rested and not at all tired at bedtime. – The more kids you have, the more helpers you have around the house to […]

20 Things I Never Would Have Known If I Didn’t Have Children

1) To prevent baby theft, hospitals assign secret code bracelets to babies and parents that must be matched and confirmed before you can take your child home.  True story. 2) Dora is always cooler when Diego visits, and vice versa. 3) All of the lyrics to every song by the Doodlebops, the Imagination Movers, and […]

If It Weren’t For Other People

If it weren’t for other people, – My life would be a lot easier. – The drive to work would take about a third of the time. – Most of my problems would disappear. – I wouldn’t have to deal with so many idiots. – Things would always be done my way. – I would […]

Things That Are True

If you film two movie sequels at the same time and release them separately, they will suck. Hanging With Friends is better than Words With Friends. If you are the only person that cares about something, that’s still one pretty important person. Flouring both sides of a calzone dough will make it hard to seal. […]