If I Ran My House According to Gun Logic

Whenever I post my opinion on guns, which is that maybe there ought to be fewer of them in the world, the people of the opposite opinion come out in droves to attack and insult me. And a select few of them even attempt conversation on the subject, explaining to me that gun laws will […]

Mastering Edwardian Speech

When one lives with an Edward, one is immersed in all things Edwardian. You live in an Edwardian house, noted for their train track covered floors and high pitched shrieking; you eat Edwardian food, mainly hot dogs; and you are well versed in Edwardian fashion, which is to say, constant nudity. But one cannot live […]

An Honest to Goodness Early Morning Miracle

It has happened! It is not a fluke! It has been three days in a row now, and I think it might stick! Parents, you will know of what joy I am speaking. You will feel that moment alongside of me, as all of the pain of the past melts away into a brighter tomorrow. […]

Stop Putting Your Children First All the Time – It’s Selfish

Do you remember being a kid and having something happen to you that was totally and completely unfair, and then vowing to make sure that you never  did the same thing to your own children someday? I sure remember moments like that, and they have led to some of the worst parenting decisions I have ever made. […]

What I Said to the Woman Who Scolded My Son at the Hospital

We had been there in the basement of the hospital for hours. It was supposed to be a routine blood draw, which we have had done dozens of times before, but for some reason the orders were not in the system this time. In fact, despite the fact that we had been in for a […]

Jalapeños are Life Before Kids – Parenting is a Ghost Pepper

Have you ever been to a restaurant with someone with just zero tolerance for spicy food? They won’t order the jalapeño poppers because they are “too hot?” Meanwhile, you are pouring Frank’s Red Hot onto everything, including your water, just so it will have some flavor at all? What wimps those people are! Ha ha! They […]

What My Kids Did When I Told Them We Were Moving

Did I mention that we were moving? No, I didn’t, because it was not public knowledge until quite recently. But now that it has been announced in the church’s annual report and I have had several congregation members ask me about it, I feel safe to finally announce that next month we will be leaving […]

I Am Writing This From My Son’s Bed

Shhhhhhhh! Stop clicking so loudly! You’ll wake him up! This is the rarest of rare opportunities. In fact, for all my know this could be the last time ever. But at this very moment, my son is actually taking a nap! I’m not sure how it happened, and I don’t want to jinx it, but […]

Parenting is Like Working at Five Guys

I sat at the small, greasy table a few feet from the counter, checking Facebook on my phone. This is the table that no one ever sits at unless they are waiting for a “to-go” order, or unless there are no other tables available. And I, like so many others at the table before me, […]

Overheard on the Kindergarten Field Trip

Yesterday I had the privilege of chaperoning my son, along with the rest of his Kindergarten class, as they celebrated the end of the school year with a picnic. What follows are eleven actual quotes that I overheard the children say as I monitored them in the park. One of them was said by my […]