Fare Thee Well, Sweet Wife

Oh wife. It is I, husband. Today you take your leave of us, as you travel to far off New Hampshire to finish your master’s degree. We are all so very proud of you, but I hope it is not selfish of me to say that I wish it were not so. Do not confuse […]

What Lockdowns are for, According to My Daughter

“I just remembered something that happened at school today, ’cause I told Mace ‘I’m gonna have a good story to tell my Dad!’” We were sitting at Friendly’s having ice cream while Edward was off at Taekwan-do finally getting his green belt, and Ruby had finally remembered something that had happened at school, other than “nothing” […]

The Final Countdown

“I only have 16 days of school left,” my daughter said nonchalantly as we walked home on Wednesday afternoon. A feeling of terror crept over my body. Could this be true? Could this possibly be true? No! There was no way. “No, that can’t be,” I said. “You have two weeks in June, so that’s […]

My Daughter the Internet Superstar

Before we even begin, I need to remind you of something, because I know many of you are still confused by Facebook Parent Propaganda (FPP) and ill-informed educators. The Common Core does not dictate curriculum. Let me repeat: THE COMMON CORE DOES NOT DICTATE CURRICULUM. It says what you have to know, but not how […]

How To Fit In Socially With the Other Teenagers

I was having Easter dinner yesterday with my good friend Rumple Station and her two children, and the conversation turned to the social lives of today’s youth. Apparently there is sometimes harsh judgement between peers at this age, and it can be hard to navigate this societal quagmire in a healthy way. You need to […]

How I Became a Bully, and What I Will Tell My Kids About It

Middle school was rough. If you don’t relate to that statement in any way at all, then you clearly did not go to middle school. Junior high, grades 6-8, ages 11-13, this terrible time in any young person’s life involves their body and mind going completely insane, and a sudden, new social world emerging in […]

I Hope His Teacher Likes Baymax…

Uh oh.  The last days of school are winding down before Christmas break, which means we are heading into the dangerous waters of…(dun dun duuuuuuuuuunnnnnnn!) teacher gifts.  When I was a kid, we had one teacher, and we brought them one gift.  It was often something terrible that either we made, or got for $5 […]

50 Things Only 10-sies Kids Can Understand

Signs that you were raised in the greatest generation, with a childhood from 2010-2019! Suck it, children of the 20’s! 1) That Sofia the First  had the best theme song of all time (sorry, Doc McStuffins)! 2) Frozen is the greatest movie in the history of cinema. 3) Marvel only came out with two or three movies a […]

The Difference Between Karma, Irony, and Murphy’s Law

Today I am here to use a real life example to demonstrate the elusive difference between the oft-confused karma, irony, and Murphy’s Law.  Because yesterday morning I had an unhealthy dose of all three. To begin with, Edward (who always gets up at the crack of the middle of the night) decided to sleep in. […]

When in Doubt, Blame Your Parents

It’s parent-teacher conference week once again, which means that my wife and I got to sit down with the people who hang out with our kids all day and hear how they don’t do any of the bad things that they love to do.  Seriously, they are basically angels dropped out of heaven directly into […]