Donald Trump Doesn’t Want to Be President. Neither Does Bernie Sanders.

At first glance Donald Trump seems exactly like the kind of narcissistic, solipsistic, ego-maniacal gentleman who would love to be president. He certainly wants to be the most powerful and important person in the room, and he definitely wants the affirmation of the masses. President of the United States of America would look pretty good […]

So Long 2015, You Glorious Bastard

It is time. It is time to say goodbye to another year. This year has been, in many respects, the hardest year or my life, although I never would have known it last January 1st. No, I greeted the new year back then with no idea of what was coming for me. I spent New […]

I Washed My Hair Twice Again Today – The System is Broken

This is a response to a recent article by a local and ill-informed blogger who claims to have figured out the perfect system for washing your hair exactly one time per shower. This guy clearly has never taken a shower before, because I can tell you from personal experience that the plan failed and I wasted a […]

Why You Should Marry The Guy With the Worst Pick-Up Line

I’m sure you’ve heard at least one of them in your time. Perhaps you have said one of them. Maybe you know them all. The bad pick-up line. Any of these sound familiar? “I hope you have a license, because you are driving me crazy.” “If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put U and I […]

New Curse Words My Kids Learned From Disney Junior

When something bad happens, it has been scientifically proven that a well placed curse word can help to ease your pain. Whether physical or psychological, our burdens are lessened when we can scream something inappropriate at them. They have done studies where people are asked to endure pain, and some of them stay silent while […]

Judging Strangers at Chipotle

Standing in line at Chipotle, I saw the man a few places in line ahead of me step up to the fillings bar, or whatever you call that place where they fill up your burrito with all of the optional items like salsa or lettuce. He was getting two identical burritos, and he informed the […]

The Merry Pranks of Master Till – A New Tale of Til Eulenspiegel

Classical music is good. This is not up for debate. Everyone knows it. They use the works of famous composers in commercials, movies, television shows, cartoons, fireworks displays, and pretty much any other time they need an awesome tune. Arias, overtures, cantatas, symphonies, and even tone poems are all enjoyed by the average American daily, […]

Uncle Bear’s Big Birthday Beg

Today is Uncle Bear’s birthday. We got him 3 years ago today, which we know because of his birth certificate. His birth certificate is a receipt. Uncle Bear was added to the family because Edward was always trying to steal Daddy Bear away from Ruby. Our strategy mostly worked, and now both children have their […]

The Difference Between a Second Grader and a Third Grader

I stood at the side of the building, waiting for my second grader to emerge from the building instantly transformed, as she stepped through the portal, into a third grader. According to all laws of camps, schools, and summer programs, you are whatever grade you are going into, so once you have officially completed 2nd […]