Goodbye a Little

I’ve had some time to think about it. It’s been more than 48 hours since I lost faith in humanity, and I’ve been thinking like crazy. I’ve made some decisions, although I reserve the right to change my mind in the future. But the first thing I did yesterday when I woke up was to delete Facebook from my phone.

This is a big deal for me. I overuse Facebook anyway, and to fully disengage from it seemed drastic, but I needed to do it. I did not write an overlong status update declaring that I was leaving forever, although I suppose this post probably counts as that, or worse. Nevertheless I am done with it. I did not delete my account. I am still there. I will still probably check it from time to time when I am on a real computer. But I will not have access to it on my phone, and I will not check it every day.

Without Facebook I realize that I lose my blogging groups and the number one way to interact with my readers. It means that, having abandoned social media, I will by necessity be taking this site less seriously. I don’t think I will write as much here as I have for the past 6+ years. I’m sorry, but I don’t know what I have left to say. Nothing funny or uplifting, as should be obvious by now. Smiley face. Winky face. Ha ha ha. The site does autopost to Facebook, so you’ll still be able to find me there when I do post something, and I am not giving up writing completely, but I may just do it in another way.

As the morning progressed I found myself checking my phone repeatedly, only to realize again and again that there were not going to be any notifications, because Facebook was gone. And so I filled up my time with other things. And as the day wore on I found myself feeling better about the world. Maybe the sky wasn’t falling after all! Maybe people were decent and good! Maybe giving up social media was silly and an overreaction. So when I got home I logged back on. Edward had said some funny things, and maybe I would post one. The instant I was back in my feed I could feel my blood pressure rising. Trump supporters gloating, Hillary supporters grieving, Bernie supporters snarking, I felt a visceral revulsion and I logged out without posting anything. It is tempting to return to that tab even now, but it is an urge I am fighting. It’s not good for me. My original knee-jerk decision was the best one for my health and sanity. I have to be done.

I have been advised against doing this. I have been told that the election results do not matter much because of checks and balances, which of course is laughable with a conservative congress and court openings. There will be no checks and balances. I have been told that we have had bad presidents before, that the world has been on the brink of destruction many times in the past, but that the human race has always pulled through. That is, quite frankly, dumb. My children often tell me “But I threw the ball at the window six times and it didn’t break! Why do I have to stop?!” It’s called pushing your luck, and it isn’t okay. And quite honestly, I care much less about who the president is going to be than I care about the millions of people who either voted for him, or didn’t care enough to vote. Even if you didn’t like Hillary, we had a clear choice between quantifiable evil, and something else. And we chose the man who breaks at least 8 of the 10 commandments, gleefully and publicly, every single day. I don’t want to be an American myself right now, and I certainly don’t want to be interacting with lots of them online. Even the ones I like. I am in mourning, for my country, for my optimism maybe, and for my belief that people are not terrible. My mother says I should never have had faith in people anyway, but only in God. Okay then, I have given up on people and I need to find God. And God is not on Facebook, no matter how many memes with sunsets and clouds you are posting.

Ironically, without Facebook I will have¬†more time for writing. Maybe I will write better things and post them less often. Maybe I will finish the book I have been working on for the past forever years. I’m going to start a YouTube series, with original songs. I’m going to revive my Tumblr. I am going to finish writing my opera. I am going to create, and I am going to be a better parent who is marginally less distracted. I am going to be happier.

There are people that I don’t talk to much outside of Facebook, and I will genuinely miss virtually hanging out with those people that don’t live close by. But maybe I will call them. Maybe I will try to see the people in town that I never see except to like their statuses. I am going to focus on in-person relationships and making the world around me a better place. Because that’s all any of us can do. I’m just not going to be doing it online for a while. Someday I’m sure I will think of something funny to say, and I will post it here. Until then, if any of you need me, you know where to find me. Goodbye (but really only a little).

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