When I found out that one of the kids from my church was turning ten today, I was very excited. Ten is a very exciting birthday. You get an extra digit! Ten is awesome! But I suppose I probably would have left well enough alone under normal circumstances. And then I found out that she had planned an epic two-day Harry Potter themed birthday party for this past weekend. Clearly I was going to have to participate.
The girl, let’s just call her “Lermione,” had done much of the planning herself, from the kids getting picked up by the Hogwarts Express, all the way through taking their O.W.L.s on the second day. Lermione’s parents were dressed as wizards of course, and after the twelve children were sorted into houses by the sorting hat (yes, that happened), it was time for the opening feast. That seemed like a good moment for me to crash.
Now, I know that technically Gilderoy Lockhart does not wear cartoon Gandalf style wizardry outfits, but it was all I had to work with, so I got my wife to take some headshots of me wearing my wizard gear, and printed out a bunch of photos, which I then signed. Arriving unannounced at Lermione’s house, I burst into the great hall in full character, handing out signed photographs of myself to the birthday girl, and all of the other children as well. Because what better gift could anyone ever want? It was around this time that several of them tried to perform the killing curse on me.
Undeterred by their forbidden attacks (Gilderoy was a Defense Against the Dark Arts professor after all), I managed to survive long enough to eat cake and escape. And without an invisibility cloak even! I’m told that after I left they all went off to their common rooms for a while, but then Slytherin tried to attack Gryffindor so they all watched a movie instead. A Harry Potter movie, obviously.
I did see Lermione’s mother at church the next morning, but I did not see the birthday girl because the party was still going on at that time. There was quidditch to be played, and there were O.W.L.s to take, and there was butterbeer to drink, I’m sure. And so today, on her actual birthday, I send well wishes to Lermione, and if she attempts to use “avada kedavra” on me again, next year I’m showing up as a dementor.
Even if she has a Disney princess themed rollerskating party next year.
Still showing up as a dementor.