How to Wake Up Your Parents

Kids, if you are worried that your parents are sleeping too much, you probably want to wake them up. But what is the best way to wake my parents up? you ask. Well, you could try jumping onto their chests and screaming into their faces like my children do, but actually it turns out that you don’t need to exert so much energy. Here are some much easier ways to get your parents up and alert.

1) Cough Softly – If you just lie in your bed and cough very quietly, your parents will instinctively think that you are dying and will jump out of bed and rush to check on you. Then you can get them to make you breakfast or buy you a present or something, due to their overwhelming relief that you are still alive.

2) Roll Over – If coughing is too much energy, and you don’t want to tax your throat because you have a concert coming up, you could always just roll over. This will elicit the same parental response as the coughing.

3) Take a Deep Breath – Look, rolling over is a lot of work too. Really, if your parents hear any sort of noise, such as the faint whisper of a butterfly’s wings, coming out of your room, they will spring into action to come save your little lives. An extra deep breath should do the trick.

4) Sleep Past Your Normal Waking Up Time – Actually, your parents are pretty well trained by now. You could literally do nothing at all, and they would still wake up at whatever God-forsaken time that you normally get them up at. Just keep sleeping away in your bed. Rest assured that your parents will be up checking to be sure that you are still breathing.

And so, dear children, these are some guaranteed ways to make sure your parents are out of bed and doing whatever it is you need them to do. And if these tips don’t work, you can always try and chest-jump-scream method. It’s never failed my kids yet!

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Posted in Children, Parenting, Sleep.

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