I Am Going to Clean the House Today

Today is the day.  I am going to get this house clean.  I will not only put away all the junk that is all over the place, but I will organize the things that have no place.  I will wash things that rarely get washed.  I will tidy.  I will scrub.  This house is going to sparkle.

Oh, what’s that Edward?  You want some juice?  Okay, hold on.

There.  Edward is drinking juice.  I will let him watch “Dinosaur Train” while I pick up the living room floor.  Perfect.

This is going well.  Floor is looking cleaner.  What do you mean, “uh oh?”  Ah, you tried to put your half-full cup of juice into the sink by yourself and it has spilled everywhere.  That’s okay.  I have to clean the kitchen anyway.

Perfect.  I have wiped up the juice, and cleaned the counters while I was at it.  I can put away the dishes, and then I should sweep.  Maybe mop!

What’s the matter?  Why are you crying?  I am halfway through unloading the dishwasher here.  You stepped on a train?  Ack!  You have poured your entire train set all over the living room floor!  Well, no wonder you stepped on it.  I can’t even walk through here.  Can you help Daddy clean it up?  Where are you going?  Okay, that’s a good idea.  You go play in your room while Daddy cleans up the living room.

That’s better.  The living room is clean again.  Now where is my son?  I should probably check on him.  Ack!  What are you doing?!  Why did you fill the bathroom sink with water and toys and then violently splash them all over the place?  *sigh*  I will get a towel.  You go play somewhere else.

Let’s see… replace the soggy toilet paper roll, check.  Mop up the water, check.  Find all of the toothbrushes where they have been scattered, check.  Put the tubby toys back in their bin, check.  Now it’s lunch time.  I’ll go make some food.

This will be good.  I can try to finish putting the dishes away while I make the lunch, and…

WHY ARE THE TRAINS ALL OVER THE FLOOR AGAIN?!  Oh, and not just the trains?  Two other bins of toys too?  Wonderful.  I will deal with that after lunch.  Now why are you crying?  Oh, you ran into the door of the dishwasher because I left it open.  I’m very sorry.  That was very naughty of me, yes.  I will close it and get to those dishes later.  Who wants lunch?

Seriously, why did I even make you lunch if you are not going to eat any of it?  Also, what happened to your pants?  No, seriously.  Where are they?  Well, I ate my lunch, so I am going to go take a break on Facebook and see what my friends without children are doing right now.  Probably having fun at their jobs.

Are you done eating yet?  Oh, you ate some of your sandwich!  That’s great!  Oh.  No, you just smeared half of your PB&J across the counter.  Nevermind.  I’ll just, OW!  Stupid trains!  How did that train get in the kitchen?!  You threw it there?  No, that’s not funny, actually.

Maybe we should go play outside for a bit.

Okay, we’ve been outside for an hour, we really should go back inside so I can get some cleaning done, okay?  No?  Okay, fine, whatever, I give up.  I am just the parent.  Obviously you are in charge.

I’m sorry you are crying.  I didn’t want to have to pick you up and drag you into the house, but you were not listening.  Why don’t you look at a book while I try to wipe peanut butter off of the counter.  Or not.  It’s time to pick your sister up from school.  Get your bike helmet on.  We’re leaving.

Okay, can the two of you please help me pick up a little bit?  Your mother will be home soon.  NO!  Tipping the catbox upside down is NOT helping!  *sigh*  I’ll get the vacuum cleaner.

Please stop pushing the power button.  It’s very hard to vacuum when you are turning it on and off repeatedly.  Do you need to go to your room?  Why don’t you both watch a show while I clean?

No, I can’t vacuum any quieter.  I’m sorry you can’t hear your show.  And why is your backpack in the middle of the floor, along with your coat, your shoes, your other shoes, some school papers, your water bottle, your lunch box, and your socks?  Well, it’s very hard to vacuum, that’s why.  I don’t care about that, come pick them up right now.

Get off of your sister!  She needs to come pick up her stuff!  No, kicking is not okay.  Hey, I have an idea!  Who wants to play toy basketball?  Let’s toss things into the bin and see if we can get a point!  No, that’s not a toy!  Don’t just pull things off of shelves!  Ack!  Your aim is not very good.  This is not going well.  Why don’t you both go back on the couch.  No, I don’t know what the cat is licking off the counter.

Oh, hi honey.  How was work…

Posted in Children, Cleaning, Parenting.

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