I Washed My Hair Twice Again Today – The System is Broken

This is a response to a recent article by a local and ill-informed blogger who claims to have figured out the perfect system for washing your hair exactly one time per shower. This guy clearly has never taken a shower before, because I can tell you from personal experience that the plan failed and I wasted a whole squirt of shampoo this morning due to this broken system.

Back in December of last week, unpopular blogger and known hyperbolist “Tenor Dad” stated that I could remember whether or not I had washed my hair each day by simply turning the bottle to a different position each time I used it, thus giving me the signal that the shampooing had been completed and alerting me to the fact that I ought not repeat myself. Every blogger knows one should never repeat oneself. Well, I thought it sounded possibly reasonable and I gave it a try. What a load of shampoo.

First of all I forgot to turn the thing around. This didn’t even matter though, because when I went in for a hair wash, I forgot to check the position of the bottle anyway. I never would have noticed! What a stupid system! If I am prone to forgetting whether or not I have washed my hair in the past five minutes, what makes Tenor Dud think that I will remember to turn the bottle, or even to check the bottle! I won’t! I didn’t! It’s madness! Attention internet: do not listen to anything Tenor Dad says! He does not know what he is talking about! He is making life up as he goes along, unlike the rest of us with our perfect plans that always go smoothly! Well, would have gone smoothly, except for trying out that stupid shower hair plan, so now I am short an ounce of shampoo. Thanks a lot, jerk.

What would be more helpful, rather than fake systems that do not work, is a device or product that would sense that it had been squirted and then automatically lock the bottle for ten minutes. Is your shampoo bottle locked? Oh, you must have washed your hair! Brilliant! I am a genius! See? Why don’t more people listen to me?! Someone should invent this right away, and give me half the money or else I will sue them. It’s my idea after all, and publishing something on the internet is the same as copyrighting it, as everyone knows. And to be clear, this is not the same idea as internet commenter Seal Neruda’s shampoometer idea, which he patented by posting online. So get to it world; make that lock product for my locks’ product! And above all, do not try any of Tenor Dad’s dumb ideas, unless you want reallllly clean hair like an idiot.

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