It’s Not the Heat, It’s the Stupidity

Yesterday, Florida got itself a new governor. Honestly, I do not follow Florida politics at all, and it was not a subject of high interest for me, but it seemed impossible to avoid. Everyone was talking about it, it was on every newspaper, radio station, tv show, and mind. As an outsider, here’s what I have observed about now-current Governer Scott.

1) He Looks Like an Alien
I am not kidding here people. He sort of looks like he is wearing a human costume. At least in all the pictures I saw. You can judge for yourselves if it was supposed to be an Eisenhower or a James Carville costume.

Also, he has two first names.  Rick Scott.  This seems like an easy mistake for an alien to make.

2) Nobody Likes Him
Just anecdotally, every single person I spoke with was just beside themselves with horror over the thought of this guy taking office, and that includes Democrats and Republicans. I was told by my military republican host family that they have friends in the FBI who were investigating Governor Scott, and that he was just about the dirtiest, most crooked summnabitz they had ever found. Less anecdotally, the guy took office with a 33% approval rating. What?! How did he get elected if only a third of the people like him? Did he do something bad between November and now? Did 23 people run for Governor and a third was enough to clinch it? This makes no sense.

3) He Sure Loves Businesses
I listened to his speech on the radio, because there seriously was nothing else on, and he repeatedly said that businesses should not be taxed, regulated, or be accountable for their actions in a court of law. Wow! I wish I were a big business in Florida! It would be awesome! There would be so much job creation like you’ve never seen! Of course everyone would be paid $2 an hour, and if your hand got chopped off by a machine, it would not be my problem, but what are you complaining about? It’s a job!

4) He is Dumber Than a Bag of Hair
I listened to his speech on the radio, because there seriously was nothing else on, and he repeatedly made an idiot of himself. I don’t think he got through one sentence without messing something up. Maybe he is just a bad public speaker, and he should hire Geoffrey Rush to help him out, but seriously, if you are a politician, you should learn how to read a sentence out loud. That is a useful skill to have. Though I must admit, he may just be having a hard time with our language because he is an alien.

So from a Vermonter’s point of view, Florida has just elected an unpopular, stupid creature from outer space to make more money for big business. But again, I’ve only been here for three days, so I could be wrong.

Posted in Uncategorized.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.