Hello internet! It has come to my attention that people love to “pin” things these days, especially delicious recipes! And so, in a blatant attempt at pandering, I have decided to try my hand at being a food blogger. Food bloggers make a lot of money. They also make a lot of food. I happen to be a person that eats food regularly. I think it’s a good fit. So without further ado, I now present to you my own recipe for Loaded Ranch Baked Potato Soup!
Step 1: Google recipe for Potato Soup.
This is an important step. It is how I started. It may be how you started as well. Maybe it brought you here. Did it bring you here? Huzzah! My plan is working!
Step 2: Assemble the ingredients
Oh wait, you don’t know the ingredients. I forgot to list them. Aren’t you supposed to list them first? Dang it, I am already bad at this. How about I list them last and you can just scroll down to the end? Cool? Awesomesauce. (I added the ‘sauce’ to the end of ‘awesome’ because this is a food blog)
Step 3: Begin all the other steps, which I will now list for you.
- Get a slow cooker. Did I mention I did this in a slow cooker? Double dang. I should have put that in the title. Well, I will tag it or something. Anyway, get your slow cooker out and start peeling potatoes!
- Peel some potatoes. How many? Yeah, that’s the thing with potatoes; they are different sizes. I could say “eight potatoes,” but that could give you the wrong amount of potatoes. I could say “two pounds of potatoes,” but you are not in Europe! You do not have a kitchen scale! And if you ARE in Europe, you think of “two pounds of potatoes” the way I would think about “two dollars of potatoes.” Again, not helpful. The price might change. So instead, I will show you a picture of all the skins after I peeled them. Peel potatoes until you have that many skins on the counter.
- Chop up an onion and 2 stalks of celery to go with the potatoes. Throw them all into the slow cooker with 4 cups of chicken broth, cover it up, and set it to high.
- Go do something else for like 6 hours. Maybe 8.
- Get another bowl and put in 4T of flour, a cup of milk, and a cup of heavy cream (or, if you want that pre-mixed for you, 2 cups of half and half). Whisk it together.
- Now add a package of powdered ranch dressing/dip mix and a cup of sour cream. (to the bowl with the flour and milk and stuff, not the slow cooker) Keep on whisking!
- Add some grated parmesan cheese in there too. How much? I don’t know! Just pour some in until it looks good. That’s what I did. 1/4 cup? 1/2 cup? Something like that. A good cheesy amount. Now whisk it. Whisk it good! (I said whisk it!) Whisk it good, woo!
- Now go over to the slow cooker again. How are the potatoes? Still a little hard? Then cook them longer. Soft and good? Excellent. Mash the heck out of about 3/4 of them. Mix it all in. But don’t mash them all or you will not have any delicious potato chunks in your soup.
- Still at the slow cooker? Great. Now pour in that other bowl of stuff you had before. Mix that all in there. Yum! Cook that up for another 30 minutes, but on low now (unless your potatoes are not done, in which case keep it on high).
- This is a good time to add any salt and pepper you might want. How much? Look, I assume you have eaten soup before. I assume you know how much salt and pepper is good. Use that amount. I am not going to hold your hand every step of the way. You need to learn to think for yourself.
- If, for some reason, you put it too much salt and pepper, simply make more soup! Easy! (I hope you have another 6-8 hours to wait)
- Oh yeah, I almost forgot, while that stuff is all cooking at the end, make some bacon! Bacon is the best! And cut up some scallions, and grate some cheddar cheese (or you can get it pre-shredded you know, at the store), and basically get everything else you might want to put on your soup ready.
- Now it is time to eat the soup! Put the soup in a bowl! Do not use a plate! It will spill. Once your soup is in the bowl, load it up with all that good stuff like the cheese and bacon and scallions and probably more bacon. If you have leftover sour cream, you could add some too if you’re into that. I’m not, but don’t let me stop you.
- Eat the soup (with spoon).
Look! My wife even posted a picture of her personal bowl of soup on Instagram! Amazing! I’ve already hit the big time!
Okay, so now you can all go pin this recipe onto your pinboards, or whatever they are called, and then I will be rich and famous. Oh, and I think I was going to put the ingredients down here. I almost forgot. Here you go everybody!
Potatoes (you know how many)
2 stalks of celery
4 cups of chicken broth
1 cup milk
1 cup heavy cream
1 packet ranch mix
Parmesan cheese (one big pourfull)
1 cup sour cream
Bacon (as much as possible)
Grated or shredded cheddar cheese
Salt and Pepper (as much as you personally enjoy)
The entire day