My Ex Brother in Law

You may recall from an earlier posting that I almost had a nephew named Gandalf Dumbledore.  This was due to the evil and stupidity of my ex brother in law.  There are so many stories to be told about him that they cannot fit in one blog posting, but he is on my mind again, as I have just discovered what he had the children give my sister for Christmas.  Generally when parents are divorced, or also not divorced, it is the job of one parent to go out with kids and help them shop for the other parent at Christmas time.  This year, what my sister received, was a giant blown up picture of herself from high school in a frame that had previously been hanging on the wall at her old house.

First of all, he didn’t even dust it, but second of all, technically this already belonged to her, he just wouldn’t give it back when she moved out, and third of all…what!?  This is not a good present to have your five through seven year olds give their mother for Christmas, but as my sister said, at least he took it down off of his wall finally.

A brief history: Ex-Brother-In-Law (we will call him E.B.I.L for short) lived with his parents after high school and did not get a job.  In fact, he never had a job, or lived anywhere but with his parents.  When my sister met him at a bowling alley, he still lived there and had no job.  When they got married, they all moved in with his parents, while he continued to not have a job.  Mostly he just played video games.  Honestly, this is a great gig if you can get it, but the problem was, he was also a big jerk.

At my wedding, EBIL showed up in shorts.  Everyone else was dressed up.  My mother-in-law offered to buy him some pants to wear, and he refused.  In fact, I think he had pants to wear, he just wouldn’t wear them.  He told her that nobody at his wedding dressed up (not true, I was there) and they all wore shorts, and he was damn well going to wear shorts to the wedding.  Anyway, he ended up getting all upset and sitting in his car for the whole wedding, even though my sister and his step-daughter were in the wedding.  It was all I could do to hold back my groomsmen from beating him up.

Then there was the time the family took a trip to Maine, except he refused to even go into a restaurant that served any kind of seafood or fish, because the smell made him sick.  So once again, at every meal, EBIL sat in the car pouting, because every restaurant in coastal Maine has some sort of seafood dish!  He did go to McDonald’s for a while, but then it was pointed out to him that they also served a Filet o Fish sandwich, so I don’t know if he ever ate anything again, out of spite.  Well, he did decide that he liked clam chowder (because it is not a seafood dish), but when he ordered it he wouldn’t eat it because they didn’t make it “like they do in Vermont.”  What he meant was that it was not from a can with a Campbell’s label on it, but that is, at this point, beside the point.

There are so many more stories, the time he made my mother cry on her birthday, the time he got fired for driving two trucks into telephone poles, the time he got fired for yelling at the Planned Parenthood ladies, the time he got fired for food stamp fraud, but those will have to wait for another day.

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  1. Here’s an idea for your sister to get her ex back…next Christmas get that Billy Bass fish on the plaque that sings “Give me back that filet of fish, give me that fish…” and have her kids give it to their Dad for Christmas!!! Make sure you encourage the kids to keep pressing the button because the more it plays the more annoying it gets! 😉 A friend of mine recently got one – they were selling it at CVS. LOL! That will be a double whammy because it not only gets him back for the lousy Christmas gift but also for refusing to eat seafood in Maine!! If his birthday comes before Christmas, I’d say do that for his birthday! =P

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