When something bad happens, it has been scientifically proven that a well placed curse word can help to ease your pain. Whether physical or psychological, our burdens are lessened when we can scream something inappropriate at them. They have done studies where people are asked to endure pain, and some of them stay silent while the others shout obscenities, and the shouters were able to withstand much higher amounts of discomfort. So we know, intuitively as well as concretely, that our lives are made better and easier through the precise use of foul language. But what about our children?
Children do not know all of the good curse words yet. We try to keep these useful tools away from them, by banning them from radio, television, and movies that our kids might see. For some reason we don’t want society’s youngest members availing themselves of certain words that might, on occasion, be used to relieve their pain. I’m not sure what we have against children in this country, but we sure like to see them suffer. If they cry in a restaurant, we will scream in their faces. If they cry on an airplane, we will kick them off. But why are they crying? Perhaps because they do not know any words that can adequately resolve their frustrations. Luckily Disney has come to their rescue.
My children, in the absence of any true obscenities to utter, use whatever they can find. “Oh phooey,” you might hear them say when breaking a favorite toy. Not very strong at all, and yet what else did they have? But now I keep hearing new words, shouted in the same manner as I might shout a word that begins with ‘F.’ For example:
OH BUMPERS! – Yes, my children actually yell “Oh bumpers,” and they mean it too. The trains on Chuggington use this to indicate that they are disappointed with something, and it has crept into our vocabulary.
HONKING HORNS! – Of course “Oh Bumpers” is not an all-purpose swear word. To indicate surprise, amazement, or astonishment, whether good or bad, those engines from Chuggington will often call out “Honking Horns!” I believe I myself said it just the other day. Yeah, it’s gotten that bad around here.
BILGEWATER! – Oh Captain Hook, you never seem to win when you encounter Jake and the Neverland Pirates, causing you to scream a wide variety of sayings, all of which my son has picked up.
BARNACLES! – This is pretty much synonymous with “Bilgewater.”
BLAST YOU! – Hook’s go-to curse whenever Jake has foiled him again, my son is always shouting “Blast you,” or sometimes even “Blasted Barnacles!” if he wants to double down on the dirty Disney dialect.
AW, COCONUTS! – Of course Hook does have his moments of getting the upper hand, so Jake needs his own curse word. We like to yell this one a lot too.
AW, CRATERS! – Reeking of self-plagiarism, Miles From Tomorrowland has a catchphrase suspiciously similar to Jake’s when he makes a mistake. Instead of coconuts, however, Miles yells out “Aw, Craters!” You know. ‘Cause he’s in space.
#@%&$! – Yeah, I have no idea what Donald Duck is saying either, but he seems mad and I’m assuming that those aren’t nice things he is quacking out over there. He’s probably cursing in duck language.
I’m sure there are others as well. Henry Hugglemonster must say something when things become not roarsome. Doc McStuffins has too large a book of boo-boos to not know any swear words. And this can’t be limited to just Disney. Curious George doesn’t talk, but that Cat in the Hat seems like he knows a lot about some fun new obscenities, if only the children would just ask him. So tell me, do your children curse like cartoon characters? What words did I miss? And what are the favorite phrases of frustration in your house?