A Short List of Things I Forgot to Do in My Thirties

Like Ebenezer Scrooge awakened from a troubled dream, I sat straight up and looked out the window, throwing open the shutters and calling down to the young boy huddled on the sidewalk. “Boy! How old am I?”

“Why, you’re 39 sir,” he squeaked.

“39. 39! Then there’s still time! Oh, thank you boy! Thank you, and a Happy Birthday to you!”

“It’s not my birthday, sir!”

“And a Happy Birthday to EVERYONE!”

Yes, I realized suddenly that I had an unspoken mental list of things I would accomplish in my thirties, and I am almost out of time. But I am not out of time yet! And so, for my own future reference, here is a short list of things that I need to get done in the next 365 days.

  1. Write the great American novel
  2. Become an EGOT
  3. Write and perform an original opera
  4. Make a six-figure salary
  5. Have children
  6. Learn to fly a helicopter
  7. Acquire night-vision goggles and become a spy
  8. Invent a new flavor of Ben & Jerry’s
  9. Watch every Best Picture winner
  10. Get super powers
  11. Weigh as much as I did in my twenties
  12. Finish binge-watching every TV show I ever made it halfway through and then got distracted
  13. Cure cancer
  14. Receive the Medal of Honor
  15. Visit every continent
  16. World peace

So not too many things, and I have a whole year to do them. I have to go now, because I am suddenly very busy, but I’ll see you in a year and let you know how it went!

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