This may be a very controversial post, but I’m sorry; clowns are funny. Even the scary ones. I think I am allowed to say that, since so many of you have told me that clowns are scary, even the funny ones. Well the big floppy shoe is on the other foot now, isn’t it?
The other night something amazing happened. We were at school for Ruby’s open house, checking out her classroom and some of her work, meeting teachers, and wandering about with every other parent who has a child at school. As the evening began to draw to a close, suddenly everybody’s phone started to ring. I mean everyone’s. The entire school was filled with ringing phones as every single adult answered at the same exact time. It was a robo-call from the school, which they had conveniently scheduled for a time when we were all at school. And what was this robo-call about? Why, the clowns, of course.
I don’t know why I find this so funny. I understand that being scared is not funny. I know that there was 1 (one) actual incident of clown violence, which is not funny. I know that there was a random clown sighted one or two towns over, and that some people freaked out, which is
kind of not funny. But listening to the robotic secretary tell every parent at open house that the police presence had now been stepped up at the schools to protect us from the clowns, well, that was pretty funny.
To be fair to those of you with a clown phobia, I will readily admit that if I were in the woods at night and someone in a clown suit was chasing me, I would be very frightened. Although to be extra fair, if I were in the woods at night and someone in an expertly-tailored business suit was chasing me, I would also be terrified. Why are there all these people in the woods chasing me? I don’t like where this paragraph is headed. I’m going to end it before something gets me.
I loved clowns as a kid. I loved Bozo on TV. I loved Grandma at the Big Apple Circus. I loved the big clown that sold me french fries and McNuggets. I was kind of mad at those clowns that were mean to Dumbo, but that wasn’t all their fault. They were hungover, and the ringmaster was the one who made them put an elephant into their act. Anyway, the point is, clowns were funny, and I loved funny things. I wanted to go to clown college the instant I found out that that was an actual thing. To dress up in a funny way and make people laugh was a dream I never stopped having. Sometimes I do this on YouTube now. But clowns are awesome. And now the police are apparently protecting us from them.
If I see a clown in the woods, I will probably smile and say hello. I might sing some Pagliacci at them. Cause that’s how I roll. But I will not run away in fright. Unless they don’t say anything back to me and start to advance menacingly. Then I might leave them alone. But again, that’s pretty much my M.O. for any interpersonal interaction. The clown suit would have nothing to do with it. Now if the clown suit itself scares you, I guess there’s nothing I can do about that. I am afraid of needles for seemingly no reason, and, even though they make people better, if I saw a needle I might punch it and run away. If the cops came to protect us from needles, I would say thanks and sleep better at night. So I get it. Sort of. But man, this whole clown thing is just cracking me up right now.