They say that conversation is a dying art. I don’t know who “they” are, but they sound boring. “They” did not think before speaking. Because if you think about what you are going to say, you will be far more likely to say something useful. There are a few things that you should consider before forming words with your mouth, and they can, ironically, be summed up in the word “think.” So here is an easy way to remember how to say things if you want to be as awesome as me.
T.H.I.N.K. before you speak! Is it:
Topical? – There is nothing quite like the art of bringing something back from earlier in the conversation to bring a joke full circle. So as much as we would all like to make A.L.F. references non-stop, if you have not just been discussing the planet Shumway, your comment may fall flat. Try dissing a Kardashian at the Olympics instead. If you can be topical, you are 20% there.
Hilarious? – But being topical is no good if you are not also hilarious. Why would you ever say anything that wasn’t, at least partially, hilarious?! How are people ever going to like you if you keep saying things like, “Don’t forget, we have a meeting at 11.”? It may be topical, but it is a snoozer! Spice it up by making a joke, like “Meeting at 11! Be there, or be fired! Something something Taylor Swift!”
Interesting? – Of course, not everyone shares the same tastes in hilarity. There is the possibility, however small, that some people will not find your topically hilarious statements amusing. Therefore, you must make the things you say interesting. That way, people who don’t get the joke are still happy to have heard what you’ve said. “Hey, guys, what do you call a senator who is setting fairness and common sense on fire? BURNIE Sanders! Get it?! Also, the building is on fire.”
New? – This is very important people. Do not make jokes that other people have already made. And do not repeat your one joke over and over again. This is neither hilarious, nor interesting. Keep your mind agile and continually spout new sentences at whomever is available. The one obvious exception to this rule is the three second window right after the original joke. You are permitted to immediately repeat any joke heard in a movie or television show as loudly as possible (and only while laughing) within three seconds of hearing it. This is always funny.
Kind of Inappropriate? – Finally, as you all probably know, there is nothing better than a well-timed comment that is slightly unexpected for reasons of it kind of shouldn’t have been said. Tense moments like an argument, an important conference call, or your arraignment, are all great opportunities to lighten the mood with a new and interesting, topically hilarious, joke.
So always remember the patented Tenor Dad way, and T.H.I.N.K. before you speak!
Kind of Inappropriate