The First Shave After a Long Beard

Although I now concede that I was wrong due to the snow yesterday, I was under the impression this past weekend that spring had arrived.  Therefore, I decided to get into the spirit of the season and shave off my beard, which I grew in the fall because my face was cold.  Under the false assumption that my face would now be warm and not shivering in the biting cold as the snow whipped against my tender face flesh, I got out my razor and began the process of unearthing my delicate features.

Now, when you shave on a regular basis your face gets tough, just a little, because it is used to being scratched at and clawed on a daily basis.  When you have not shaved for six months, your face is a little more tender.  This is why you must use extra care and caution when shaving for the first time after a long and beardy period.  It is so easy to irritate your face and fill it with nicks and little cuts when your face is so smooshy and soft.

I am happy to report that I managed to get through the whole shave without bleeding at all, which might be a first for me, and I was ready for Easter with my resurrected face.  But of course one of the other dangers of shaving your beard off is that your children will tell you that you look weird.  Honestly, this is a danger pretty much every day, especially when you are as weird-looking as me, but the probability is extra high when you have drastically altered your appearance in some way.

And after they tell you that your face is strange looking, they will probably want to touch it.  A lot.  Four little hands, rubbing all over my face, while the children giggle like crazy.  These are the things to watch out for.  And my two three-year-old was especially into the face rubbing.  And it was fine until the afternoon, when the first traces of stubble started to appear again.  You see, no matter how many clear signals you send to your beard that you would like it to remain in your face where it belongs, it will invariably start poking out again, almost immediately.  This caused my son to get angry with my face for poking and stabbing him.

“Hey!” he shouted, “Why you face getting me?!  You face STAB me!” he informed me.

Yeah, sorry about that.  Not much I can do about it.  I mean, I guess I could keep shaving every six hours or so, but I don’t have that kind of time.

So the first shave after a long beard is a delicate process, fraught with perils both during and after the procedure.  But it is all worth it when you step out into that spring air and feel the breeze on your face and know that you look weird.  And then put your scarf on, because it is snowing in April and you are cold.  Stupid face.

Posted in Beard, Easter, Parenting, Shaving, Weather.

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