The Inaugural Load

I don’t know if there are any true themes running throughout these pages and pages of Tenor Dad posts, but if there are any, one of them has got to be laundry.  From Ruby’s new house wishlist of sidewalks and laundry, to sneaking around my mother-in-law’s apartment trying to wash some clothes; from weird ruminations on laundry room doors to tales of laundromat woes; laundry is just one of those universal things that never ends and affects all of us, even the nudists, who must have to at least put a sweater on once in a while.  And so I know you will be happy to hear that we have closed the laundry room doors on another chapter in our lives.  We now have a fully functioning washer and dryer.

This is huge.  I don’t know if you realize how huge this is.  We have children.  They spill things.  They get sick on things.  They throw things off of the deck into mud puddles.  We have a lot of laundry to do.  There have been nights where every single sheet in the house was soiled in one terrible evening of unfortunate events and, having no laundry facilities in our apartment, we have slept on towels.  Well no more towel sleeping for us!  Now, if such a thing were to happen again, I would simply wash the sheets!  Immediately!  Progress!

Oh man, I was so excited to get this going.  We picked up the washer, which we bought from one of my wife’s friends who was getting a newer and bigger one, and brought it home ourselves.  It was an adventure in and of itself, just trying to get that thing up to the 3rd story.  My wife did not enjoy that adventure.  But we got it there!  And found we were missing an important hose.  Three days later we got the hose, and two days after that I finally had five free minutes to attach it.  It was time for the inaugural load.

Oh, how I rejoiced as I poured that detergent into my very own washing machine.  It had been almost half a decade since I had done such a thing without leaving the house.  I reveled in the task of placing dirty clothes into the drum.  I checked for surprises and pulled out a few toys and a chewed up stick.  One never knows what will be in the laundry pile these days.  And then I washed those clothes.  I washed them hardcore.  They were so washed, they didn’t know what hit them.  Nothing leaked; nothing exploded; nothing fell off.  I had done something right.  I tossed the wet clothes into the dryer and headed off to a rehearsal, secure in the knowledge that all was well.

Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright;
The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light,
And somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere children shout;
But there is no joy in Laundryville, because when I got home my wife had some bad news.  I had missed something.  Something very important.  The inaugural load had been a trap.  Because there was a small item in a pocket that I had overlooked.  An item that you have heard about before.  An item that was meant for my daughter, chosen by my son, lost by my son, and given back to my daughter.  A small bottle of yellow Frozen nail polish.  And it did not survive the trip.  Mighty Tenor Dad had struck out.

So, okay, all of the clothes are ruined now, but are they?  Maybe it is cool to have yellow spots and streaks all over your clothes these days.  You don’t know.  Who knows what kids like these days?!  Certainly not I!  And not all of the clothes have yellow nail polish washed and dried into them!  Only about half of them.  And some of them only have the stains on the inside of the clothes!  We’re only talking about fully ruining a quarter of the load here, so it’s really not so bad.  Right, honey?

So maybe there is still a bit of a learning curve here, but for the most part I am still thrilled to have laundry machines here in our apartment, and now I will just do laundry all day, every day.  So, basically, it will be the same.  But now I won’t have to walk outside to do it!

Posted in Children, Clothes, Edward, Laundry, Nail Polish, Parenting, Ruby, Tenor Dad.

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