The Unbearable Sadness of Morning

I am not a morning person.  I fully understand if you are one, and I will never hold it against you, as long as you keep your perkiness to yourself, but mornings are not for me.  And it’s not just that I prefer evenings or late nights over the early part of the day.  I actually despise mornings altogether.

For one thing, there is the fact that my body does not function well before 9 or 10 am.  If I have to wake up before 9, I will not be at my best at that time.  “Oh, boo hoo,” you are all saying.  “I have to be at work by 8 or 9 every morning”  Well, so did I once.  I worked many a job that required me to be in at the standard hour of 9, or sometimes earlier.  And I did not function well then either.  I mean, I did it, obviously, but my best work was done after 10 am, or probably after lunch if I am going to be totally honest here.  This is why I am an opera singer.  You never have to work before 10 am.

So there is the fact that my body does not get even remotely tired until after midnight, no matter how sleep deprived I am, and will not function at 7 am.  Even if I went to bed super early and got 9 hours of good sleep, it doesn’t matter.  But bodily bias aside, I just hate everything about the morning time itself.

Now, even though I am not a morning person, I still have to get up at 6:30, or 7, or 7:30 if I am super duper lucky, when one or more of my children comes bounding into bed and jumps on my head.  I have tried to adjust to this, and when I am woken up at 6:30, after fumbling around in a daze to get the kids ready for the day and trying to get out the door on time, I am usually at least somewhat alert by the time I drop Ruby off at school at 8:30.  But then there I am, wide awake at 8:30, with nothing to do at the worst part of the day.

A few weeks ago, after dropping Ruby off, I decided to go to the grocery store with Edward, and we arrived at around 8:40 am.  Let me tell you, there is nothing more depressing than a grocery store at 8:40 am.  It’s almost empty for one, because most people are on their way to work.  The stores around it are closed as well, because no normal store is open at 8:40 am, so the parking lot is eery and silent, like a ghost town.  The stockpersons are still putting the food out, so there are palettes scattered around the aisles, and empty spaces on the shelves.  An odor of melancholy hung in the air and all around me I saw workers who looked like they might have needed another hour of sleep.  It made me want to cry, it was so lonely and sad.

I did my shopping as fast as I could and headed outside, where the morning sun was harsh and full of sharp angles and glaring brightness that was only getting brighter, unlike a nice sunset that is warm and comforting and slowly fading away into beauty.  The shopping done, we drove home and put the stuff away, and it was still only 9:30.  I had three hours until lunch!  What was I supposed to do with all that time!?  That is sleeping time!  Sure, I could maybe clean up the house a little, or play with Edward, but he wanted a nap, and I really had no amount of useful energy, what with it being so early.  All I could do was sit on the couch, wishing I had slept a little later, and before I knew it, the morning had come and gone, passing me by completely.  It was time to pick Ruby up, make lunch, do stuff, have fun, be productive, and otherwise enjoy the day.

The day went by, as days often do, and when it got late, my energy continued with renewed vigor, and I stayed up too late again, knowing all the while that I would have to get up early again the next morning.  And that was the saddest thing of all.

Posted in Mornings.

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