It can’t be just a series of random coincidences and accidental happenstance. It has to be planned. At this point, I can only come to the conclusion that my children are actively trying to drive me crazy. How else can you explain their maddening behavior? Just a few minutes ago, Edward came running into the kitchen and shouted “Statue of Liberty!” at me. Which would be fine, in and of itself, except he then followed up with this question: “Why did you just yell ‘Statue of Liberty?'”
Me: “I didn’t. You did.”
Edward: “No I didn’t.”
Me: “Well, I didn’t yell it.”
Edward: “Yes you did.”
And it would be fine if this was a one-time thing. But this kind of stuff happens all the time! I am constantly being told that I did things that I did not do! Actually, when I think about it, most of these times involve farting, but there are plenty of other examples.
Yesterday I found a toy in the choir room that belonged in the church nursery. I asked my children if they had left it there, not because I was mad, but just because I wanted it to be put back. Edward denied putting it there, which doesn’t mean anything, and then I asked Ruby if she put it there. “I don’t remember,” she said sneakily, as a broad smile slowly crept across her face.
Me: “Oh you don’t, do you?”
Ruby: “No…”
Me: “Well, since you don’t remember, it seems that there is a chance that you put it there, so why don’t you put it away.”
Ruby: “Maybe you put it there…”
And at this point, maybe I did! Who knows what I did or didn’t do anymore?! Everything I do is called into question by my children, and it’s enough to make one doubt the very fabric and foundation of reality! I can’t take it anymore! I’ve lost my mind! Or maybe I didn’t. Maybe YOU lost it!