Today is my birthday. Maybe I should not have told you that. You are most likely stealing my identity. But hey, it happens. And my identity is big enough for the both of us! So it is my special day, but is it really all that special? I mean, honestly, many other people were born today. I know, for instance, that Queen Elizabeth II was also born on April 21st, and she is a slightly bigger deal than I am. Ah, but she is not turning 38. She was not born on the exact same day as me! So I still have a chance to be the biggest deal.
Plenty of famous, world-changing people have been born on April 21st. Tony Danza for instance, and Iggy Pop. But they are both waaaaaay older than I am. I’m going to go see if anybody super famous is also turning 38 today, or if I can lay claim to being the biggest celebrity born 38 years ago.
Okay, this is sad. I found a list of famous people ranked by their celebrity status whose birthdays are today. When I was younger and first realizing that superstars might share a birthday with me, Tony Danza and Andie McDowell were top of the list (along with the queen of course). Now Angela’s housekeeper is #36 on the list and Andie is #37. The people at the top are people I have never even heard of. I guess this is what it’s like to get old.
But no, I will not wallow! I will do what I came here to do! I will see if I can find any 38 year olds on the list. Tony Danza is 65 today, and Andie McDowell is 58. Nowhere close to 38. Iggy Pop is 69 (and #6 on the list), and Charlotte Bronte is 200 years old today. She is #30 on the list, above Tony Danza, but well below Maria Quezada, star of Nickelodeon’s “Talia in the Kitchen” who celebrates her quinceañera today.
Wow. There are a lot of “celebrities” on this list. Josh Kennedy is listed as a “Vine Star,” and he is turning 18. Jason Duggar is on the list, his only crime being born into a ridiculous family, and he is turning 16. Jared Mecham is a “YouTube Star” and is turning 28, so with these dubious categories of fame being ratified online, I feel comfortable assuming the title of “Blogger” and placing myself way down at the bottom of the list.
So now that I am on the list (in my mind), I need to confirm that nobody else is turning 38. Some of them are close; Tony Romo is turning 36 today. He is a football player, in case you didn’t know that. I clearly did not have to google him because I know all about football. James McAvoy is 37 today. Uh oh. Getting closer. Let’s see here, the lead singer of Echosmith; James Franco’s other, non-famous brother; comedian Rob Riggle, nope! None of them are turning 38 today! It’s only me!
Well, there you have it. I am the most famous person on the internet with my exact birthday. What will I do with all of my newfound fame and power? Well, for starters, I am going to go play with my new bluetooth speaker shaped like the Millennium Falcon that I just got. And then, I will do whatever I want to. Because it’s my birthday. And nobody else can have it.