To Get The Girl, You Need the Moves

I know that many of you out there are wondering, “Tenor Dad, you seem like someone that might have a hard time finding someone to marry you, what with your constant misadventures and general ridiculousness.  And yet you are married and have two children.  How did you do it?”  Well, since it is Valentine’s Day and all, I will let you in on a little secret.  It is most likely due to my awesome dance moves.

If you have ever been to, say, a wedding that I am also attending, or perhaps stood behind me in line at Cold Stone, you probably have seen these moves for yourself.  I had never been lucky enough to see my own moves of course, but I was pretty sure they were sweet.  Luckily, at the wedding of my college roommate a few years ago, some photographic evidence was taken, so now there is proof that my dance moves are wicked.

Now, for the first time ever, I am sharing these instructional photos so that you too can learn to dance like me, find a spouse, and have children that break all of your stuff.  Watch and learn.

Tip 1: Keep your eyes closed.  It preserves a sense of mystery.
Tip 2: Find a suitable mate, and back up into them.
Tip 3: Always keep an eye on your feet.
Tip 4: Sometimes it is best to creep up on people unawares.
Tip 5: Make sure your facial expressions are smooooth.
Tip 6: Don’t forget Tip 1.  And for goodness’ sake, smile!
 Tip 7: The sexiest dance move in history is the classic “trying to fit through a small doorway.”
Tip 8: When your chosen partner does actually speak to you, don’t forget to thank God.

Tip 9: If you start to tip over, just sing really loudly and pretend it is part of your dance.
 Tip 10: If it’s not going well, just lead everyone in the “Falling through a trap door” move and get out of there.
Tip 11: It is never too early in the evening to check your pretend elbow watch.  Look how happy my date is!
Remember, follow all of these tips and you too can spend your Valentine’s Day cleaning up after small children.  Auspicious Valentine’s Day everyone!
Posted in Dancing, Marriage, Photo, Wedding.


  1. Oh Lord this is too funny. You can take that any way you want to. Happy Valentine’s Day to the four of you. I don’t mean that you personally look like four people or have four personalities! I was referring to you and your precious family!

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