The World According to Edward

The Worst Words

According to Edward, who is 6, there are four really bad words that you should never, ever say. And of course he says them as often as he thinks no one is listening. And what are the four worst words in the English language? They are as follows:

  1. Fock
  2. Shutup
  3. Coddammit
  4. Stupid

I hope none of you ever say these words around my son, or else he will gasp loudly in a shocked manner and declare that you have cursed. And then he will gleefully repeat what you have said to anyone who will listen. “That person said stupid!”

The Dentist

We visited the dentist yesterday for our semi-annual cleanings. Edward seemed excited to go as we were leaving, but by the time we arrived he was surly and growling at everyone. The hygienist, who is a very good sport (and German, so she did not take any of his nonsense), eventually and playfully got him to come out of his funk by the time his turn to climb into the chair came around. He really opened up and started talking to her. He said things like this:

“I never brush my teeth! Ever!”

“My parents let me eat only chocolate. I don’t actually eat other food. Just chocolate.”

“What’s floss?”

“But I want all my teeth to fall out, like my Grammy!”

“I hope that wasn’t esspensive, because I just dropped it!”

“Can I squirt the water at you?”

“My Daddy won’t buy me a toothbrush.”

“Sorry for biting you a little.”

I sat there and chuckled nervously, and swore up and down that he did indeed have a toothbrush, and that we did not feed him only candy. But hey, at least he apologized for closing down a little too hard, right?

The Doctor

We also had our pediatrician visits this week. Yeah, their birthdays were in March, but when I called the pediatrician in March to make their appointments, these were the earliest we could get. Maybe I should make next year’s appointments now

The nurse read me a list of shaming questions about my parenting before we began the check-ups proper. They included things like, “Does your son eat anything besides chocolate,” and so of course I lied and said no, he eats also potato chips. And then they asked, not how much screen time he gets per day, but rather if he got more than one hour per day. *gulp* Is that the recommended limit? I guess maybe it’s good they didn’t ask how much then. I said yes, he clearly gets more than one hour per day.

Edward is now aware that he is not supposed to have as much screen time as he had been having before. He very responsibly points out that his doctor has required that the television be turned off. He does this whenever it is his sister’s turn to pick a show. It’s okay, she doesn’t like tv that much anyway. And the screen time has been reduced. So…win-win?

Growing Up

There are a few things Edward wants to be when he grows up. Four things, actually, that keep resurfacing. Here they are, in order of frequency.

  1. Firefighter
  2. Police Officer
  3. Construction Worker
  4. Helicopter

I am worried that he actually wants to be a Rescue Bot. Although, to be fair, being a Rescue Bot sounds like a pretty cool job. At least he didn’t say “professional skateboarder.” But whatever he ends up being, I think it will be exciting. He’s kind of an exciting person.


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Posted in Bad Parenting, Dentist, Doctors, Edward, Parenting, Rescue Bots, Swearing.

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