We no longer live in Baltimore. The house is (kind of) empty, the truck is loaded and currently en route to Vermont. I managed to make it down to Baltimore around 7:30 pm on the Bolt Bus, so that I could help finish off the packing and loading, which had been going on all day.
As it turns out, it is probably for the best that I was not there for the majority of truck packing. It seems that packing trucks is not one of the situations in which I am most useful. There are, however, several scenarios in which my considerable talents could come into play. Let’s say you are at a very tense peace summit with various temperamental heads of state, and you need a bizarre, yet humorous, non-sequitur to break the tension. I’m your guy! Or perhaps your plane has just gone down in the mountains and you are miles away from civilization and you require a rousing rendition of “Dies bildnis ist bezaubernd schön” to lighten the mood. I can do that too! And finally, in the most likely of these scenarios, what if aliens are invading and the only way to stop them is to shoot lasers at their chest plates, helmets, or guns, as they crawl through a foggy, strobe-lit arena? I haven’t been playing laser tag for years just for FUN! Come on!
But despite having some clearly marketable skills, I am still unable to grasp simple spacial concepts, such as where my house is in relation to the store, where I have parked my car, or how to best fit my eight trillion belongings into a U-Haul truck. Thank goodness for my brother-in-law and his son, who drove night and day to help load, and then drive the truck. Thank goodness for my friend Eric, who spent his entire afternoon carrying heavy boxes when he could have been home napping. Thank goodness for my mother, who left early enough that she didn’t do too much damage, and successfully removed the small children from the area. Thank goodness for my wife, of course, who did the most work for the longest time, much of it while also working full-time, taking care of two kids, and receiving no help from her annoying husband. And of course, thank goodness for me, without whom there would have been no pizza.