Sometimes it’s hard to be so non-confrontational. People are mean and nasty to you, and you just smile and take it, assuming that they probably meant well, or that it isn’t worth it to start a fuss over such a small thing, or set of things, or humongous thing. But then, finally, you can’t take it anymore. The camel’s back is broken, and you just have to do something about this person who is constantly troubling you! But how to do it? What is the perfect method of exacting your revenge in a small and non-confrontational way? Thus is born the subtle revenge fantasy.
Unfortunately, subtle revenge fantasies are not an effective form of communication. You know the kind I’m talking about. Taking the last jelly donut, when you know that they always eat the jelly donuts. Stealing their parking space. Moving the pencils to the other side of their desk. Playing your music at volume 38 in stead of 35. Mwah ha ha ha ha haaaaaaa! And then they go and don’t even have the nerve to be upset. HEY! YOU! Don’t you even care that I am eating the last jelly donut and now you have to take a chocolate glazed?! Doesn’t that just steam your grits?! WELL WHY NOT?!
No, revenge is a dish best served exploding, and in your face. I mean, why even bother going to all the trouble of getting revenge if you’re going to play it safe? Just hire a ninja assassin, or sleep with their spouse or something. Make sure they know that their life is ruined, and that you were the cause. Otherwise, what’s the point?
Unless the point is that you were actually trying to communicate something to them. Perhaps by switching their chair out for the squeaky, wobbly one, you were merely trying to say, “Hey, you have repeatedly upset me with your behavior, and I’d like you to stop.” If this is the case, then you must refer to the title of this post once again. Because acting out your subtle revenge fantasies is probably not going to solve anything. It will actually end up making things worse, because now instead of trying to improve the relationship (and that’s really what you want, isn’t it?), you have cast them into the role of your enemy, and, what’s even worse, you are a terrible super villain. All of your evil plans suck, because nobody even notices them. They are too subtle.
So next time you are upset with someone for constantly interrupting you in meetings, or vying for the promotion that you wanted, or telling your children to stop kicking them in the face during church every single week (come on, give it a rest, complainers!), maybe try telling them that you are feeling hurt and unhappy with what’s been going on. Although, if you have gotten to that point in the healing process, maybe it’s better not to tell them that you were the one who switched their strawberry yogurt with peach yogurt that one time.