If you have every played Minecraft, then you already know what it is like to have a baby. Conversely, if you have ever had a baby, then you might as well have been playing Minecraft this whole time, because you have had a tiny Enderman in your house without even knowing it. In fact, one might suppose that the designers of Minecraft were up with their babies at 3 am when they came up with the idea for the Enderman and based the whole design on their infant children. The similarities are striking!
1) They Wander About Their World Moving Stuff Around
Most creatures in Minecraft either just kind of hang out waiting to be food, or come at you with an attack, but not the Endermen. The Endermen pick up blocks and move them to new spots that you don’t know about. “Where are my keys?!” you might shout to your baby, as the very creature you gave life to just sits and smiles at you, knowing full well that your keys are in the diaper pail. “Where is the wall to my house?!” you might similarly shout to a passing Enderman, as it wanders off with something that you had just put there a few moments before.
2) You Have to Proof Your House From Them
If you have children, then you know that before the baby comes home from the hospital you must first Baby-Proof your home. Because the last thing you want is for the baby to stick its fingers in the outlet, or yank a stack of fine china onto its head by pulling on the tablecloth, or toss your keys into the diaper pail. So you make sure that nothing within reach is movable by the baby. This is also a concern with the Endermen. If you want to ensure that Mr. Enderman does not come over and move your house, you must build it out of a substance that the Enderman cannot move, like Cobblestone.
3) Don’t Look At Them
The thing about the Enderman is that, if you don’t look it in the eyes, it is quite peaceful. It is happy to bop about, moving blocks and messing up the world, oblivious to any and all human activity. Once you look it in the eyes though, it attacks. This is very much like how a baby operates. Your typical baby is happy playing, or sleeping, or even falling over and bumping its little bum, as long as the baby thinks no one is watching. As soon as the baby feels your eyes, sleeping is over, playing is over, resilience is over. Crying, waking, screaming, and complaining will ensue. And, as with the Enderman, you had better run at that point.
4) They Are Active at Night
Babies and Endermen both sleep during the day and come out at night, where they are harder to see and can cause maximum destruction. Tired parents or players, who only want to make it back to their beds, will be quite displeased to discover one of these two creatures blocking their way. Get your sword ready. There is no sleep for you tonight.
5) Bad Timing
If you need an Ender Pearl for your current crafting plan, you will be hard pressed to find an Enderman anywhere. However, if you would really just like to get across that field without any interruptions, you will be sure to find several Endermen blocking your way. This is like how you can try for years to have a baby with little to no success, but all those people who don’t want babies seem to be staring at their pregnancy tests with horrified looks on their faces. Babies and Endermen do not care about your plans. They come when they want.
6) Teleportation
Finally, and this one is obvious to all parents out there, babies and Endermen can both teleport. How many times have you been looking at your little baby sitting happily at your feet, only to turn your head for approximately 2-3 seconds? When you look back down, that kid could be three rooms over. How?! You have seen that baby waddle-crawl around. It cannot move that fast! But, as you know, it can teleport. Luckily, like an Enderman, it does not have a huge range. If your baby suddenly blinks out from under you, it is probably still in your house somewhere. In fact, if you are reading this, your baby has probably already teleported somewhere else. You should go find it. Happy hunting!