The Sixth Annual Epic Christmas Eve Scavenger Hunt (CESH)

You know it wasn’t our turn to design the game this year, but circumstances being what they were, what choice did we have? My sister-in-law, who was supposed to be the architect for 2016, was scheduled to give birth less than 2 weeks before the event, and so wouldn’t even be able to attend, much […]

Love the Babies, Tolerate the Kids, Hate the Teenagers

Sorry kids, but society has dealt you a hand of diminishing returns. It’s kind of a problem, but I’ll be honest in saying that I don’t know how to solve it. But I’m sure you will notice it as you grow up. The people who once thought so highly of you will suddenly start making […]

6 Ways Babies are Like Minecraft Endermen

If you have every played Minecraft, then you already know what it is like to have a baby. Conversely, if you have ever had a baby, then you might as well have been playing Minecraft this whole time, because you have had a tiny Enderman in your house without even knowing it. In fact, one […]

How I Found Out About the Baby

It was July 31st, 2006.  I remember it well.  I was sitting at my desk at work, chatting with my wife over gmail.  My office mate was on vacation, so I had been cleaning out all of his crap that I didn’t like in the hopes that he would not notice/care when he returned, but […]

The Five Alarm Diaper of Easter 2007

I sure don’t miss diapers.  But the sad thing about no more diapers is no more diaper stories.  Like returning warriors with PTSD, parents love to swap and tell diaper stories, proudly displaying their scars like badges of honor.  Luckily I still have some old stories to tell.  Like, for instance, the five alarm diaper […]

How Royal is Your Baby?

With the arrival of the new royal baby in England on Monday, I have seen an avalanche of posts on the subject, mostly falling into the “Hooray!” or “What’s the fuss?  Every baby is a miracle!” categories.  And it’s true that all babies are wonderful, beautiful miracles of creation that should be treasured and loved, […]

Baby Names for the Evil or Stupid: Celebrity Edition

Ladies and gentlemen, Kim Kardashian has had her baby!  Kim and Kanye’s little girl was born several weeks early, and now that the bundle of joy has arrived, everyone is dying to know her name.  Initial reports suggested that the girl’s name would be Kaidence, but now new rumors have surfaced that suggest that (gasp) […]

How To Dress Your Fat Babies

One of my wife’s co-workers recently had a baby, and that baby just happens to be on the larger side of average.  Being a first time parent, this poor woman is concerned that her baby may eventually grow into some sort of giant person, such as a sumo wrestler or an average American.  In fact, […]

Babies Hate Twilight

I love many things that are terrible.  I freely admit it.  But terrible in a “mass produced for generic public consumption way,” not in an “objectively terrible” way.  For instance, I like Katy Perry.  I like her not in spite of that fact that she uses a limited number of chords and includes thumping background […]

What You Need To Have For a New Baby

I was just talking to my friend Tracy Feitisahaady about her impending motherhood, and it quickly became clear to me that this posting was necessary.  For those of you who mis-read the title of this posting and thought you were coming here to find out what you need to do to actually have a new […]