Volume Discrimination

I am here today to talk about one of the more subtle evils that haunts every corner of our society.  This is a social ill so pervasive, and so ingrained in our collective subconscious, that you may not even realize that you are participating in this system of injustice, but you are.  We all are.  I am talking, of course, about volume discrimination.

If you don’t believe in volume discrimination, due to the privilege you receive daily as an appropriately volumed person, perhaps this story will change your mind.  I was with my son the other day at the Burger King playground, trying to celebrate his survival of his first full year of pre-school, despite lacking what some people might call an “inside voice.”  No sooner had he rocketed onto the the play structure to seek and destroy play with another boy that was already playing there, than that same boy came running out of the long plastic slide, crying to his mother.

“That’s boy is too loud!” he complained in ignorance.  “I don’t want to play with him anymore!”

Sadly, this is not a uncommon story across the parks and playgrounds of America.  Everywhere you look, people are being discriminated against for having a higher internal volume than is socially acceptable.  From being shunned at libraries and hospital waiting areas, to having all of their private conversations overheard by everyone within a three block radius, people with Levels Of Uncontrollable Dynamics are consistently given unfair treatment.

I know that you are thinking to yourself, “but I would never treat someone differently just because their gentlest speaking voice is as loud as a 1991 Jeep Grand Cherokee with no muffler,” and you may truly believe that.  But let me ask you this: Have you ever looked crossly at someone on a bus for having a conversation that you could not escape?  Have you ever shushed someone in a movie theater for asking a series of annoyingly obvious questions that were audible to the whole audience?  Do you have any friends that you purposely stand an extra foot or two away from when you have a conversation, just to avoid a headache.  And you hoped that they didn’t notice?  Well, guess what.  They noticed.

This problem is not going to be solved today, or even tomorrow, and certainly not by one blog post, but the first step to combating any problem is awareness.  If I have made even one person rethink the way that they deal with the vocally enhanced, then I will go to bed a little happier tonight, knowing that I have made a difference.  And on a side note, I really wish everybody would stop mumbling so much.  How is anyone supposed to hear you?!  Seriously.  Speak up.