Make Time For the Living

When my mother called me in July and told me that my cousin was not responding to the treatment for his brain cancer, and that his time left with us had switched from years to weeks, I was horrified.  And when she asked me if I was planning on going down to visit him in those next few weeks, I said “probably not.”  The summer was really busy.  My wife worked all week, my job kept me here weekends, and there just didn’t seem to be a good time to go.

My wife got home from work that evening and I told her the bad news, and that I wasn’t going to be able to make it down to see him, because it didn’t seem to fit in with our schedule and plans for the rest of the season.  And besides, we would probably have to take time off for the funeral anyway, whenever that happened, and our time off is not unlimited.

And then I listened to what I had just said out loud, and I was disgusted with myself.  Did I actually just say that I would visit my cousin once he was dead, and not bother when he was still with us?  What kind of a sick mentality is that?  How could that possibly seem normal, or correct, or moral to me in any way?  And yet, for a moment, it did.

Thank goodness I realized my arrogance, self-importance, and sheer stupidity in time.  I called my mother and we made plans to visit the following week.  My wife wasn’t able to go, because she was working, but that certainly didn’t stop me from going, and why I ever thought that it should is a mystery to me.  I wrote a little bit about my cousin, and what he meant to me, shortly after that visit, but I am so thankful that I was able to say those things to him myself, and that he was able to hear me.

Brains are funny things, and when you have a problem with them, time is definitely a factor.  Had we gone a week or two later, it might not have been the same experience.  But we did go, and I will always remember those days that I spent with my cousin and his two young daughters.

He left us yesterday, after a long battle that caused him great pain, and I know that he is in a better place and feeling a lot better than the rest of us probably are at this moment.  And yes, I’ll be going down to the funeral, but I can only imagine the regret I would be mixing in with my sadness today if I had decided that my job, or my daily routine, or anything else, was more important than going to see him in his final days.

People.  Life is precious.  Time is short.  You know this.  Take advantage of it.  Be with the people you love.  When people are sick, visit them.  When they are hurting, take care of them.  But most importantly, be present.  Make the right decision.  I almost didn’t, and it makes me sick to my stomach to think about it.  Whatever you are doing is not as important.  Stop doing it right now.  And go.