It’s so hard to keep track of all of one’s arch-enemies; they do tend to build up over time. There was that one chorister, that one diction coach, and that evil math teacher, but as time goes by and they retreat to their island volcano lairs, it becomes hard to recall all of their names. The most recent ones, on the other hand, are quite fresh in my mind. For instance, I made a new arch-enemy at the Renaissance Festival this past weekend.
My wife was standing in the long ticket lines and I was watching the children run around a tree over and over again, which was as much or more fun for them than anything on the other side of those castle gates. In my kid-watching position, I was apparently standing too close to an unhappy, middle-aged woman who was sitting on a short wall next to the tree. Even though I was several feet away from her, I could tell I was standing too close to her because of the way that she started shouting at me.
“ExCUSE me, but would you mind standing a little to one side or the other? You’re like a DOOR in my friggin’ FACE. Am I inVISible or something?!”
Well, I had no idea that our origin story had just begun, but I apologized to The Invisible Witch and stepped to the side. I certainly did not mean to block her view of the parking lot and ticket lines, where everyone was pressed together far more closely than she and I had been. I explained that I was just trying to keep an eye on my children, and that there were really no other places to stand, but that I would try very hard to keep out her way. This was not enough. She had been bitten by a radioactive bitter person, and now stood up to monologue to anyone who would listen.
“I’m not even here two MINutes, and I’m ALREADY being treated like I’m INVISIBLE!” she shouted to the crowds passive-aggressively, waving her arms in increasingly dramatic gestures. “Like a DOOR in front of my FRIggin’ FACE! SURE! Just STAND there! I’m not a human BEING or anything!”
At this point I decided that a confrontation ought to be avoided, at least for the present moment. The crowd mostly paid her no mind, although they did back away a little to let her circle. I ignored her completely, which was not only a good plan for me and my kids, but was also perhaps the best form of psychological revenge possible. It was all I could do not to shout out “Do you guys hear something? Is that the wind? I hear a voice, but I don’t see anyone there!” But I restrained myself.
Eventually she was joined by a henchman or some sort of male companion, and she complained loudly to him as she glared in my general direction. I kept my focus on my children, and they kept their focus on the tree, so she and her minion stormed off through the gates of the festival to go wreak havoc on an unsuspecting populace. I looked for her throughout the day, wondering if I would get the chance to accidentally stand too close to her again, but I had no such luck. It was too crowded. I added her to my roster of arch-enemies, but I never saw her again. Unless I did, and I just didn’t notice. Because she was invisible…