Well, it had to happen. After Limerick Parables and Haiku Parables, it was either this, or Epic Verse Parables, and I don’t have that kind of time.
1) A man set out upon a journey long
Unknowingly he walked into a trap.
By bandits he was quickly set upon
And out of him, they quickly beat the crap.
The man lay bleeding, dying in a ditch.
A priest walked by, but offered him no aid.
Then this Levite (what a little bitch)
Saw the man, but left him where he layed.
Only one would stop and save this man.
Shout it out! The Good Samaritan!
2) Dearest father, grant me this request.
Give me half your money, land, and wealth.
Yes, I know you’re not dead, and we’re blest
But I can’t wait for your failing health.
I told him to keep what would be yours,
and he gave to me what would be mine.
So I blew it all on crack and whores.
So I spent some time among the swine.
Dad says I’m his son one and the same.
Come on bro, let’s party. Don’t be lame!
3) There was a shepherd living on a hill
His only job: to watch over the sheep.
If he’d been good he’d probably be there still
What could happen to make him lose sleep?
One hundred sheep were there upon the mount
One hundred sheep he tended every day.
But yesterday when he did make his count
Twas clear that one small lamb had gone astray.
Oh, does he search the mountain, sore and tired?
Of course he does, or else he’s getting fired.
4) In times of plenty, wealthy men must feast
Let the cry arise throughout the land!
Call the north, the south, the west and east
A festival and banquet have been planned!
All the invitations were returned?
Each friend offers an excuse?
Who am I to be so soundly spurned?
Who am I, that all men should refuse?
Call the poor, the lepers, to this place!
And if my friends come, punch them in the face.
5) Twas told a legend of a pearl so fine
To gaze upon it was to be made new.
I knew if it was real, it would be mine.
I knew exactly what I had to do.
The pearl was found, but oh, the price was great.
The cost was everything that I possessed.
But, come this far, I did not hesitate.
For this one thing I would trade all the rest.
So that is how I got here, little girl.
And for a buck I’ll let you see the pearl.
6) If a man possess a garden small
And he’s got some enemies about,
I would guess he ought to build a wall
High enough to keep those people out.
For example, if he sows some seeds
Wheat, or something else that’s good to eat,
And his foes sneak in and plant some weeds,
You can’t yank the weeds without the wheat.
At harvest time the weeds will all be burned,
But next year, build that wall. Haven’t you learned?