One Theory on Why Oscars Viewership Was Down

President Garfield said today that the number of viewers for this past weekend’s Academy Awards was down, and that it was because of him. And isn’t everything about him? Besides being orange and mean, President Garfield is very intuitive. He has the best intuits. He is basically a huge tuit-head. But I have another theory. […]

Who Is Voting Is As Important As Who Is Running

Sunday night I hosted my 13th annual Oscars party, and a group of people slightly too large for my apartment gathered in my living room to watch the show. We had our normal foods, Revenachos, Mad Snax: Veggie Road, The Cheese Danish Girl, and a Bridge of Pies. We had a spotlight on some cheese […]

Lava Lamps and Disco Balls; Epilepsy and Sadness

I don’t want to write this post. I’ve spend all weekend and most of today trying to avoid it actually, but I don’t have a choice. They sent me a free lava lamp. Last week I never would have dreamed that I would be actively trying to forget one of my favorite days of the […]

When the Girl’s Away, the Bears Will Play

Hello interneters! It is I, Tenor Bear! I am hear because you are all invited to my bear party! (Also because Ruby’s dad is doing something else and not paying attention too his blog) Ruby is at camp allllllll day, and Edward is at camp even more alllllll day, so that means I get too do […]

How We Rescued My Wife From the Bathroom

“Daddy! Mommy’s stuck in the bathroom!” “No, no,” I chuckled, “I think maybe Mommy wants to be stuck in the bathroom. If she’s not coming out, why don’t we give her some space.” Ah, children, I thought to myself, someday they will understand why we adults get “stuck” in the bathroom sometimes. Mommy probably just needs some alone time. “No […]

Birthday Cake For a Dog

Anna turned 1 on Friday, and the kids demanded that we throw her a birthday party. She needed presents, and bacon for breakfast, and to wear the birthday hat, and to eat cake. As a member of the family, she was entitled to all of the birthday accoutrements that one would normally reserve for humans. […]

Banned From the Kids’ Table

I was contacted recently by a site called Mothering in the Middle, wondering if I would be interested in being a regular contributor to their blog about “midlife” parenting. Their site deals specifically with older parents, or rather with people who became parents closer to middle age than middle school. When you get pregnant at 35 […]

Vertical 2nd Grade Mustache Party

“8-year-old birthday parties are really fun!” I said to one of the moms who was coming to pick up her daughter. She gave me a half smile and asked, “Are you being facetious?” And I totally wasn’t. Friends! 8-year-olds are AWESOME! We have turned the page! It is a new day! A third cliché of […]

A Real American Hero, Rolling to the Rescue

After our movie screening on Saturday, as I tried vainly to clean my house for my big party the following evening, I was beset by my mother. She had, unbeknownst to me, decided to stay the rest of the day at my house with her various small children. Luckily her young minions know how to […]

How to Make a Grand Budapest Hotel Cake

My regular readers will recall that, at my last Oscars party, I attempted to make a “Baked Nebraska” in honor of one of the nominated films. They will also recall how it was a complete disaster (but quite delicious), so everyone breathed a sigh of relief when no movies with the syllables “aska” were in […]