For a long time, we were a little worried about Edward. He seemed to like to bash his head into things more than he should, and he was always pegging heavy objects at people’s faces or bashing family members with his head. But we had a breakthrough recently, and I can now take comfort in the knowledge that my son is not an inhuman monster who enjoys hurting other people.
Part of the problem, I think, is the fact that Edward had been suffering from a bit of a speech delay. His inability to communicate was clearly frustrating to him, and sometimes the only way he had to communicate with us was by throwing and/or bashing. At least that’s what the guy from the state said who comes over every Monday to work on his language. Now, that’s all well and good, but how does it directly solve my head smashing problem?
The other day, Ruby and Edward were sitting on the floor playing blocks. Edward had only just gotten himself a time-out for throwing something at Ruby (although at 2, a time-out consists of taking his toy away and making him sit down not near his sister), and he was back in the mix, being naughty again almost immediately. He picked up a wooden block, held it aloft, and, despite my strong directions to the contrary, hurled it into her face at point blank range.
I was furious. I had just told him 4,000 times not to do it, and he had gotten in trouble not ten minutes earlier for the same thing. I grabbed him and thrust him onto the couch, shouting “No! That HURT Ruby,” over and over again. He was clearly very upset about it, and was almost in tears himself. But then something miraculous happened.
Over the next hour or two, Edward got up every ten or fifteen minutes to hug his sister and say sadly, “Ruby…Hurt?” He kissed her on the forehead where the block had hit her and for the first time seemed to realize that smashing people in the face with wooden objects caused them pain. A true breakthrough!
Since that day, he has been smashing a lot less and throwing only once in a while, and when he does smash someone he immediately asks if they are hurt and gives them hugs and kisses. He never knew that he was hurting people before, but now that he has a word for “hurt,” it is quite easy to explain to him when something he does is affecting someone else in a negative way. I am very excited to start this new phase of parenting that does not include being repeatedly hit over the head with heavy toys, and even more excited to discover that I have a very caring and empathetic son. But I think we all knew that anyway.