Check your shoes. This is a life-saving rule that is vital to both parenting and jungle survival. I know that it’s not something that one might think about on a regular basis, so I am posting this reminder to all parents/jungle explorers out there.
For the half of you reading this who are currently sleeping in a jungle somewhere, you ought to know that there might be a scorpion in your shoe. Perhaps a poisonous spider is lying in wait, hoping to bite some toes. For this reason, you must bang your shoes out every morning before you put them on, taking extra care to remove all potentially deadly creatures from your footwear before inserting any of your extremities. It might seem annoying, but a memory slip here could prove fatal.
The other half of you reading this, the parents, should know that there is absolutely no telling what you might find in your shoe. If you don’t check your shoes before placing your feet into them, you are quite likely to feel something squishy oozing up around your toes. This might be oatmeal, or perhaps half of a banana. However, you are just as likely to discover hard and pointy things hiding beneath the tongue of your shoe. A toy car, some blocks, or even a fork has been known to appear mysteriously inside the footwear of unsuspecting parents. If you are very lucky, you might hit upon something of the soft variety, such as a balled up sock or a teeny beanie baby. But be warned, like the jungle adventurer you too cannot rule out the possibility that your child may have found a scorpion or a tarantula and decided that your shoe was the best place for it. Children are very resourceful in a variety of diabolical ways.
So whether you are braving the wilds of South America or West Living Room, be sure to follow the first rule of any clever and long-futured individual and please, check your shoes.
This has been a public service announcement from Tenor Dad.