The children were supposed to be snug in their beds,
But were whining and jumping and playing instead.
Had just realized we had a million more things to do.
When from Ruby’s room there arose such a clatter,
I hid all the gifts while Mom checked on the matter.
Away to the closet I flew like a flash
The stuff on the rug on the living room floor
Gave the lustre of D-day to our house, times four.
When, what toward my wondering eyes should then leap,
But Simone, who said Ruby was finally asleep.
With the living room driving me crazy and sick,
I knew in a moment we must clean it, quick!.
More wrapping and cleaning, of course it was lame,
And I grumbled, and shouted, and cursed them by name!
“Damn laundry! damn, dishes! damn tangles of cords!
Damn, piles of papers! Damn fake plastic swords!
Damn Toy Story Beanies! Damn one-time use flossers!
Damn stroller! Damn high chair, and damn exersaucer!
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane zoom,
All the stuff in our house got thrown into our room.
So up to the Christmas tree, ready to go
With our arms full of Toys, our work started to show.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard Edward cry
But he can come out, it’s okay baby guy.
Sure he saw all the stuff, his eyes wide, his mouth yawning,
But he’s nine months old. He’ll forget by the morning!
The two bad balls of fur started clawing my foot
One with grey mousey color, and one black as soot.
I wondered why they seemed to have just smoked crack,
Then I saw the catnip, they’d clawed open the pack.
Their claws were like razors. Did it hurt much? Very!
I snatched up the catnip and scolded the cats,
We finished our prep-work, and so that was that.
We ate up the cookies and drank the milk too,
Eating after eight is not good for my belly,
But I took some Tums and then turned off the telly.
The kids would be up in five hours, I swear!
I closed both my eyes and I lay down my head,
I was tired but satisfied. (That’s what she said)
The presents were wrapped and the house was all clean.
I do hate that movie, I’ll tell you why later,
but on Christmas it’s not good to be a hater.
So I’ll say just say what you’re expecting to hear:
“Merry Christmas to all, and a Happy New Year!”
Oh, so sweet! And funny too! Me like.