Ladies and gentlemen, Kim Kardashian has had her baby! Kim and Kanye’s little girl was born several weeks early, and now that the bundle of joy has arrived, everyone is dying to know her name. Initial reports suggested that the girl’s name would be Kaidence, but now new rumors have surfaced that suggest that (gasp) the baby’s name may not even start with a “K.” Let me repeat that for you. IT MAY NOT BEGIN WITH THE LETTER “K!” What a crazy world we live in.
Now, a few years ago I wrote a series of posts for evil and/or stupid people who were looking for things to name their babies. The first post is here, the second post is here, and post number three is right here. In these posts I laid out 15 rules that one might follow for evil and/or stupid baby names, and I think we are all relieved that Kimye’s baby is not going to be called “Kaidence,” because this name clearly breaks rule #5, and possibly rule #14. Seriously, where did the “i” come from?
Since none of us want to think of Kanye West, or any Kardashian family member, as evil or stupid, the fact that this name is apparently false comes as somewhat of a relief. However, we still don’t have official confirmation as to what the real name truly is. And if other celebrities are any indication, we are not out of the woods yet. Based on my criteria, it would appear that many beloved celebrities are indeed evil and/or stupid. At least in the baby naming departments. Take a look at what some other famous people have named their children, and which rules they have broken!
Ashlee Simpson & Pete Wentz’s son: BRONX MOWGLI
Rules Broken: #7 and #4
Jamie Oliver & Juliette Oliver’s son: BUDDY BEAR MAURICE
Rules Broken: #15
Kevin James & Steffiana James’ son: KANNON VALENTINE
Rules Broken: #3 and sort of #5
Alicia Silverstone and Christopher Jarecki’s son: BEAR BLU
Rules Broken: #3, #5, and #15
David Duchovny and Tea Leoni’s son: KYD
Rules Broken: #5 and maybe #3
Gwyneth Paltrow & Chris Martin’s daughter: APPLE
Rules Broken: #3 and, if her last name had an “i” at the end of it, #1 and #9
Jermaine Jackson and Alejandra Oaziaza’s son: JERMAJESTY
Rules Broken: #2, #5, #9, and #14
Nicolas Cage and Alice Kim’s son: KAL-EL
Rules Broken: #3 and #4
Jason Lee and Beth Riesgraf’s son: PILOT INSPEKTOR
Rules Broken: #3 and #5
Ving Rhames and Deborah Reed’s daughter: REIGNBEAU
Rules Broken: #2, #3, and #5
Lil Mo and Al Stone’s daughter: GOD’ISS LOVE
Rules Broken: #2, #6, and #9
Rob Morrow’s daughter: TU
Rules Broken: #9
(Fun Fact: Tu Morrow’s mom is named Debbon Ayer, which also breaks rule #9)
Penn Jillette and Emily Zolten’s daughter: MOXIE CRIMEFIGHTER
Rules Broken: None. This is the best name ever.
So as you can see, celebrities have broken almost every rule in the book in terms of naming their children nice, decent names, like “Eric” or “Claire.” Though rules #3 and #5 seems to be the most often broken, this short list includes violations of every rule except for #8, #10, #11, #12, and #13, and I’m sure if I looked hard enough I could find examples for those as well. (#11 is looking at you George Foreman!) How can Kim and Kanye possibly resist all of that peer pressure when choosing a name for their child?!
Well, I’m sure we will know their baby’s name soon enough. Perhaps it will be something “normal,” like Katie or Kara, or perhaps it will be something unusual, like Kismet or Kartoon. Oh wait, I forgot, it definitely does not start with a “K.” So it could be something like Melissa, or Jenna, or it could be something a little more out there, like Chymberly, or Hot Tub Waffle Express. But I think we can all agree that, whatever the name is, what is important is that the baby is happy, healthy, and surrounded by photographers. And come on. It obviously starts with a “K.”
UPDATE: Apparently the baby name has been leaked by TMZ! No official confirmation from the parents yet, but according to the birth certificate, the baby’s name is NORTH WEST, breaking rule #9, and, in a vague way, possibly #7.