There is nothing that causes an argument in my house like clutter. Our house has traditionally been full of it, much to the dismay of my wife, and now that we have downsized to an even smaller place the clutter has almost completely taken over.
Now, I will freely admit to being a bit of a packrat. Having moved so many times growing up, one of the few constants in my life was my stuff. Sure we were in a new house almost every year, but as long as all of my junk was there in my room, it felt like my room. This has both served me well in my life, and caused many problems, the biggest of which is that it bugs the heck out of my wife.
My wife does not like clutter. In fact, she hates clutter. To her, having clutter in one’s home is a sign of not “having it together.” The boxes that are against the wall that we have not yet unpacked are a signal that we have not done everything that we need to do, and the stacks of papers and little piles of who-knows-what are just constant reminders that our lives are not in total order. When she goes to someone’s house and it is totally clean and ordered with no clutter, she thinks “Wow, those people are good at life.”
I, on the other hand, love clutter. Ok, love is a strong word, but when I see stuff all around me, there is a part of me that says “Ha ha! Look! I have filled my cave with many things! In fact, I have so many things that my cave cannot contain them all! My wealth is beyond question, as I cannot fit all of my treasures into my closets, drawers, and cabinets. Envy me, puny neighbors!” This is followed by a lot of grunting and smashing things in my mind. So you can see that we have a problem.
And this is not something that we can compromise on. Honestly, I have tried. The problem is, I like a lot of stuff sitting around, and my wife likes no stuff sitting around. Having only half clutter is no compromise, because to her, clutter is clutter. Whether we have 10 things on the table or 5 things on the table, the point is, the table is messy and thus upsetting. I have gotten rid of more stuff than I can count in an effort to move down to “half-clutter” status, but to no avail.
Back before we had kids and life was much easier, we had a system that seemed to work for us. My wife was in charge of most of the apartment, in terms of decorating and what ought to go where, and I had one room that contained mountains of stuff. Any time I left something out in the living room, my wife would toss it into my cave and I would put it away, on top of some other junk, and we were both reasonably happy. Also, as I mentioned, we did not have kids. If you do have kids, you know that every problem you have is suddenly ten times worse once you have the children, and clutter is perhaps the most affected.
Kids are great creators of clutter. They do not like to put things away, and they collect extra stuff like extra stuff magnets. Toys, clothes, safety items, weird gadgets, they all show up in your house when you have kids, and they somehow manage to get all over the floor every five minutes or so. And even when they are not all over the floor, there is no way you can possibly store all of the accessories of childhood in a completely clutter-free way, unless you live in a giant mansion.
There may be hope after all, as I am slowly coming over to my wife’s way of thinking. As our houses get smaller and smaller, and the amount of stuff we have gets bigger and bigger, I am finding it harder and harder to a) get around and b) find things when I want them. I am finally ready to have a house with less clutter in it. But sadly, “less clutter” is never going to stop the ongoing disagreement, and I don’t know if I am ready for “no clutter.” In the meantime, I’m going to go unpack a box.