Last night, while I was out making pizza, I got a text message from my wife that included the latest family portrait drawn by my daughter. Ruby, like all children (and adults, even if they won’t admit it), loves to draw, and one of her favorite subjects is her family.
Now, we’ve seen pictures of people from Ruby before, and over time they have gotten, well, I won’t say better, because who’s to say Picasso’s people are not “better” than Rembrandt’s, but let’s just say Ruby’s people have moved along the spectrum from abstract to impressionist and on their way to realism. At first her pictures were just kind of scribbles, and then they became whirling squiggles with parts of faces, and now we are to the point where they include arms and legs and faces and whatnot. Oh, and they also include other things.
Now, I was looking at this picture on my phone, so it was quite small and I might not have otherwise noticed right away, but the message from my wife said “You are on the far right, in all the anatomical glory that she could muster.” And looking closely, why yes, there it was, hanging halfway to my knees, a penis. Lovely.
So first of all, I have a few questions. One: Why am I not wearing any clothes? I do not normally wander around life with everything on full display. I did notice that everyone also had a bellybutton though, so I guess we are all naked. Drawing nudes is nothing new for the art world, so I suppose I will let that slide. But then Two: Where is Edward’s penis? Is it too small to include? And I know vaginas might be harder to draw, but I do feel singled out as the only person in the family portrait showing off things that ought not to be shown in public.
Now that I think about it, maybe it’s better that Ruby’s drawings are still impressionistic. I hope that by the time she gets into fuller realism, she will no longer be drawing me in such an anatomically correct manner. But I love the picture. I love that she loves to draw, and I am excited to see her next masterpiece, whatever it may be.
But why am I so short? And how come I am the only person drawn in only one color? And….
Bwahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!! Amazing.