I sat at the small, greasy table a few feet from the counter, checking Facebook on my phone. This is the table that no one ever sits at unless they are waiting for a “to-go” order, or unless there are no other tables available. And I, like so many others at the table before me, […]
Category Archives: Children
Love the Babies, Tolerate the Kids, Hate the Teenagers
Sorry kids, but society has dealt you a hand of diminishing returns. It’s kind of a problem, but I’ll be honest in saying that I don’t know how to solve it. But I’m sure you will notice it as you grow up. The people who once thought so highly of you will suddenly start making […]
New Songs About Love to Enjoy With Your Kids
Valentine’s Day is just around the corner, which means that flower sales are up and so is depression. For some reason many people think that if they are not in a romantic relationship on February 14th, then they have a problem, or that they are a problem. And where would they get this wrong idea? Oh, […]
The Various Meanings of “Don’t”
I love the English language. No, seriously, I do. I have so much fun with its quirks. I enjoy how several different words can be spelled differently, and yet pronounced the same. I love how several different words can be spelled the same, and yet pronounced differently. And of course, I love how one single […]
The 58th Annual Grammy Nominees for Best Children’s Album
Hey everyone! In case you didn’t notice, the Grammy nominations were announced this week! This is very exciting, unless you were not nominated, in which case this sucks. I was not nominated. But it’s ok! I am not bitter! It could be because I did not release any albums this past year! I will blame […]
Children and Hospitals; Dogs and Vets – Using The Same Tricks
The trick to getting dogs and children into the car for their medical appointments is to not let them know where you are going. This method is surprisingly effective for both groups of small creatures, although you will have to vary your deceit from time to time to prevent them from figuring out your devious […]
How to Wake Up Your Parents
Kids, if you are worried that your parents are sleeping too much, you probably want to wake them up. But what is the best way to wake my parents up? you ask. Well, you could try jumping onto their chests and screaming into their faces like my children do, but actually it turns out that […]
The Age-Old Harry Potter Timeline Question
Since the dawn of recorded history, parents have been asking the same questions over and over again. No matter how many books are written or advices given, it seems that there can never be a true answer to these queries that will have parents awake in bed until the wee hours of the morning. “What […]
In Defense of Candy
This is it people! Crunch time! We have only three days left until Halloween, that glorious, annual, sugar-soaked epitome of childhood joy. Is there really anything about this holiday that is not perfect for children? You get to play dress-up. You get to use your imagination and play pretend. You get to hang out with […]
Children: The Colonists of Stuff
Now that Columbus Day is over I think it’s time to start thinking about the real colonists of today: children. At least my children are. All day long they go around “discovering” things and then claiming them as their own. It is very annoying. “That’s MY toy!” shouts the first child. “No, that’s MINE!” shouts […]