You Are What You Drink – I Used to Be Somebody

It has now been almost one month and I have not had any Coca-Cola or any other caffeinated sodas. The headaches and muscle pain went away after Day 6, and were replaced with a general feeling that the world was just a little sadder and darker than before. I feel as though a fog has lifted from me, a beautiful sparkling fairy fog, and it has revealed the cold grey world of reality that I now see with keen perception. So…hooray?

Suddenly I am no longer a Coke drinker. So then, what am I? WHO am I? My identity has for so long been wrapped up in my addiction that I honestly don’t know who I am anymore, as cliche as that sounds. I have been out to restaurants and been asked what I want to drink, and I just stare blankly back at the wait staff with a look of supreme idiocy and say “I don’t know.” I don’t really want other sodas, I don’t drink alcohol, and nothing is as good as a Coke. It just isn’t. So I have water. Water is good. Water is good for you. Water is natural. Water is neutral. That is what my life has become now. Neutral.

In a way this is very good for my health, because I can no longer eat fast food or most other junk foods. I tried, but honestly, without a Coke, it’s just crap. It was barely palatable to begin with, but now? No thank you. Have you ever tried to eat a Double Whopper with Cheese and a glass of water?! Madness. It can’t be done. Without Coke, there can be no more burgers, pizza, french fries, or so many other lovely things that are bad for me. I am going to lose so much weight!

I am up three pounds since giving up Coke a month ago. I don’t know why. I am hardly eating anything, and I have cut 500-1000 liquid calories out of my daily diet. Perhaps it is the increased stress of not being able to have a Coke. Stress makes you extra fat, doesn’t it? So I have heard. Anyway, this not drinking Coke thing does not seem to be giving me the health benefits I was hoping for. I am more tired, less happy, extra fat, and in a perpetual state of ennui. Even so, I am glad to be free from the addiction. As someone who likes control over his body, it is refreshing to be at a friend’s house without having to hide a Coke in my pocket. That’s not a joke. I have gone many a place with a Coke in my pocket, just in case. Because sometimes your friends don’t have Coke at their houses.

All of my friends have Coke at their houses now, because I have trained them well, and suddenly I am not drinking it anymore. I feel guilty. I go to game nights and there are Cokes stocked in the fridge, partly because of me, I know. Even my mother-in-law, who hates Coke and is always sending me articles about how it is made of poison and evil, gave me Coke drinking glasses and a six pack of the delicious elixir for Christmas. She explained that she got it for me before I had quit the stuff, which was fine. But when even she is buying me Coke stuff, it isn’t just something I drink, it is a part of me. It IS me.

Except now it’s not. I’ve been wanting to have one, wondering if I am past the point of instant re-addiction, but I am scared to. It took me so long to quit, that I am terrified that if I ever start, I will never be able to quit again. What if the headaches come back? What if I start drinking many a day again? So I don’t. I don’t have any. They are there in the fridge, staring at me, daring me to drink them, but I don’t. I won’t. I can’t. I don’t drink Coke anymore. I don’t drink anything. But I used to. I used to drink Coke. That’s who I was. Remember?

Posted in Coke, Drinking.

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