Her Majesty Elizabeth Toy Grammy the First was born on July 10th, 1954, in a humble spaceship hurtling toward Earth. It landed in a suburb of Boston, and she was found in a capsule, alone, but very talkative. Toy Grammy was taken in by a bunch of other aliens, and they all quickly blended in with society. Well, mostly blended in. You can still tell when one is approaching you, because you can hear them long before you can see them.
Look at them. They almost look normal…
Not much is known about Toy Grammy’s early childhood. We do know that she once tricked her neighbor into eating dish soap by telling her that it was whipped cream, and we know that she lived a small cupboard under the stairs closet of some sort with several other children, and we know that there were pigeons and chickens involved. She got married to a snake-oil salesman and had a beautiful child, which I guess caused her to continue to accumulate children like they were going out of style. She is currently up to seven, with three added just in the last year!
Now THAT is an amazing baby!
She married a second time in the 1990’s, but a tragic accident at the toxic waste factory ended this relationship. Luckily it awoke her long-dormant superpowers, and she began a new life of heroics that she continues to this day. Her powers include dressing up in weird outfits, being late to everything, and throwing food.
Seen here fighting the evil Treeflag!
Today we celebrate her diamond jubilee! 60 years of her reign on this planet! She has a new and improved husband, and lots of new children. She hasn’t quite caught up to the Duggars yet, but she may beat them yet, since she has started taking shortcuts in that department. She also has scores of kittens and puppies floating around, but since she seems to be giving them out like candy, that swell may soon subside. But what we can all hope and pray for, is that her service and love never will. Here’s to 60 more years of Toy Grammy! Halfway to being the oldest person on Earth! Happy Birthday!
Shown here giving us a puppy.