My wife and I were out to dinner last night for our anniversary, and halfway through the meal my wife turns to me and asks which one our waitress is. I laughed at her playfully for not being able to tell which girl was our server, and I turned around to point our server out to her. That’s when I realized that my wife was quite correct. Every girl in the place was young, blonde, wearing short-shorts and a red plaid button down shirt, and had their hair tied back in a ponytail. They were practically identical from behind. “But look at their faces!” you might say, but that wasn’t much help either.
Young people! Why don’t you have any features?! Why are your faces so smooth and ill-defined?! You all look the same to me! They say that the older you get, the more you look like yourself. This maybe true. But at what age do you really start to look like you? Clearly not college, because all of these girls had blank slates where their faces should be. It was very distressing.
I remember being younger, and being able to tell my peers apart, so perhaps it is just my eyesight that is fading. Or maybe I was operating at a different energy wavelength level at that time, and more receptive to the internal soul features of my companions. Either way, I can tell you right now that young people look very similar in the face department. They could do with a few more wrinkles. It would make them distinguished. And distinguishable.
In the past I have had misgivings about looking older. In our youth-obsessed culture looking “old” is not really valued. Especially for women. But women, please get older. You look great! Don’t worry about trying to live up to some hyper-reality that doesn’t even exist! You’ll save yourself a lot of money and headaches. Plus, hopefully, I will be able to differentiate you from one another.
In conclusion, I implore all of you featureless youth monsters to age gracefully and quickly, and to wear different shirts from time to time. Us old guys would really appreciate it. Thanks. And now I’m going off to lose some more hair.