Ah, two and half year olds. So cute and innocent. They have not yet learned to lie, so everything they tell you is true. Obviously telling the truth all the time is a terrible way to get what you want, though. Have you ever tried to call in lazy to work? No, it would never work! Even when your boss knows that you are not sick, you at least do them the social courtesy of lying about it to them. Anything else would be rude! And worse, you might actually have to go to work.
But the toddlers have not learned this lesson yet, which is why Edward did not get to escape his crib the other night. As I may have mentioned in the past, Edward is not a big fan of going to bed. He is a big fan of getting out of bed and being naughty. On some nights, when the scary voice does not work, we stick him in his crib, which he hates. He hates it because he can not get out of it. He would much rather be in his free range big boy bed, so that as soon as we go downstairs he can go into the bathroom and squeeze toothpaste all over the floor. True story.
So anyway, the other night he was being bad and I put him in his crib, after warning him about a dozen last times that it was going to happen. Edward kept getting out of his bed to play with his cars, and I finally got tired of it and put him in toddler sleeping jail. He did not like this, and after I went downstairs he eventually started screaming for me. I went back up to see what was going on, and we had this conversation:
Edward: “Dadaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!”
Me: “What is it?”
Edward: “Sleep bed!”
Me: “Well, you were not staying in your bed. That’s why you are in the crib now.”
Edward: “Sleep bed!”
Me: “Do you want to sleep in your bed?
Edward: “Yeah, sleep bed!”
Me: “And if I put you in your bed, are you going to stay there?”
Edward: “Yeah, stay bed.”
Me: “The whole night?”
Edward: “No. I get out and play cars.”
And so, I put his little head on the pillow, tucked him in, and tried to say goodnight to him over the sound of his horrible wailing. Dude, all you had to say was, “Yes, stay bed,” and we would have been cool. I mean, thanks for telling me the truth and all, but all that’s going to get you is a night in the crib. I suppose eventually you will learn to just tell me what I want to hear, like normal kids. But hopefully not for a long time. And when that happens, please be a terrible liar.