Hello readers. If you are anything like me, then you are definitely winning 1.3 billion dollars in the next Powerball drawing. Although if you are really anything like me, then you most certainly are not. Because it is impossible. The odds of winning the jackpot are 1 in 292,200,000. These are not very good odds. And yet, it is possible to win, which you can do using my 100% guaranteed strategy.
All you have to do, is buy every possible ticket number combination! It’s simple! There are 292,200,000 possible combos, so you buy 292,200,000 tickets! Yes, it would cost you $584,4000,000, but who cares about that when you are going to more than double your money! Now it is true that the upfront payout is only $806 million, but that still puts you out ahead! Oh wait, except the government taxes lottery winnings at up to 40%, which is ridiculous and unfair. Capital gains tax on the wealthy (which is where they make a crap ton of their money) is sitting at 15% right now. Seriously? Extra money that rich people make gets taxed at less than half the rate as extra money poor people might make? Fine. Whatever. Who cares, right? In a a few days, we’re all going to be billionaires!
So if the government takes 40% of your $806 million, that leaves you with only $483.6 million. You will notice that this is slightly less than your $584 million investment. BUT! Do not forget that you have purchased every single ticket! You have also won loads and loads of $1 million prizes, and $2 million prizes, and so on and so forth, all the way down to the countless tiny prizes which all add up! This money from your “losing tickets” will more than make up for the difference and you will be coming out ahead, my friend!
So you have your goal: buy 292,200,000 powerball tickets between now and Wednesday evening. But we have a problem. How fast can you even buy all of those tickets? Even filling out tickets at 1 ticket per second, it would take you 9 years and three months to do it! Obviously you do not have that kind of time. But computers can go faster, right? How long does it take a computer to think up some numbers? If I go to the gas station and buy 10 tickets, it still takes one second to get my numbers, just like if I bought only one ticket. So we need to buy many numbers at a time. We need, in fact, to buy 1353 tickets per second over the next 60 hours or so to ensure that we have them all. Can a computer actually pick 1353 numbers per second? And what will the cashier think when you ask this question? Looks like you are going to need an additional strategy.
There’s no question. In the next few hours you are going to have to get a job at a place that sell Powerball tickets, so you have unlimited access to the machine. You are going to need to have that computer spewing numbers out like crazy. And we haven’t even factored in transaction time. Here is my advice. Ask the computer for 81,180 numbers. This is the amount that you need to buy every minute. Hopefully the computer will take slightly under a minute to produce your very long ticket, and this will give you the time to pay for the ticket in cash and then start over. If this is taking too long, you might need a second person doing the same thing at another machine, to really guarantee your prize. Are you married? If you are the type of person who is willing to work a convenience store and buy lottery tickets for 60 hours straight while peeing into a bucket, I am assuming the answer is yes. Get your spouse to help you out. They get half the money either way, so they may as well work for it.
Once you have your 292,200,000 tickets, you are all set. You don’t even need to watch the drawing! You know you have won, and won big. You have won, literally, all of the prizes. Now you just sit back, relax, and pray that you are not splitting the jackpot with any other winners. Because if that happens, you’re screwed.