My fellow Americans, as we all go to the polls today to decide who we want for our president, I would urge you very strongly to not vote for me. Do not write my name in, and do not cast any ballots for Tenor Dad, unless you really want the country to go down the tubes.
For one thing, I’m not even exactly sure what the president does. I mean, I know he signs things (or vetoes them if he does not like them), and he gives speeches and tries to make “policy,” whatever that is, but as for his day to day activities, I would be totally lost. I can just see myself, after the inauguration, settling into my gigantic bed in the white house, excited for my first day at my new job, but having no idea what I will actually be doing. I would wake up, take a shower, go to my oval office, and wait for my boss to come give me some training or something. It would not be good. I would probably call the last guy who had the job and ask for tips, like how to use the copier and stuff, but overall, I would be a bad choice for president.
I also do not have any good ideas as to how to fix any of our national problems. If you are looking for some fresh blood to go in and shake things up in Washington, I am not your guy. For one thing, I lived in DC for a long time, so I am kind of a Washington insider, but the main thing is that I do not have any fresh ideas. Maybe if I thought really hard about stuff, I could get a really good idea. Let me try, hold on.
Nope. No good ideas. So you should probably not vote for me.
Also, if I was elected, I would have to change the name of this blog to President Dad, and I would probably not be able to update it as often, since I would be out commanding troops in battle and stuff. Therefore, if you like reading my stuff, you should not write me in.
What would happen if everybody did write me in though? Would I have to do it? Like, what if the whole country decided to play a joke on me and write me in for president and then I got elected? Could I just say, ummmm, no thanks? Or would I just become the president? I would rather not find out.
So in conclusion, you should definitely vote today, and you should definitely not vote for Mitt Romney, Barack Obama, or me. You should vote for who you actually think would be a good president. Someone like Colin Powell, or Martin Sheen, or your uncle. But you should definitely vote. Just not for me.