Let’s face it; lyrics do not generally make any sense. And they aren’t supposed to! Song writers use exaggeration, hyperbole, flights of fancy, and all sorts of other jibber-jabber to try and create a mood, or an emotion. No one really believes what songs are saying, do they? I mean, when Bryan Adams sings “Everything I do, I do it for you,” I think we all know that he is not referring to things like going to the bathroom, or chatting on Skype with his parents. No, he is saying that most things that he does, he does for his lady, or that maybe his overall general goals are in service of her, but he probably shouldn’t be taken literally.
So we expect song lyrics to have their own special logic, and we can suspend disbelief long enough to enjoy the song for what it is without worrying too much about what it might all mean on a more literal level. This is not limited to pop music by the way. There are some entire operas that require total suspension of disbelief to make it through them. But then there are those songs that don’t even make sense in their own little worlds that they have constructed. Those songs that make you crazy every time they come on the radio, because they are just nonsense and how could they think we would not notice?! You might know some songs like this. I know I do.
Lullaby, by Nickelback – I know, I know, it’s Nickelback, so it seems redundant to call them out for being ridiculous, but this song in particular drives me crazy. The singer informs us that he is sick with worry because he cannot get his lady friend on the telephone. So what does he do? Does he call 911? Does he go over to her house? Does he call her friends and family to see if they know something? No, of course not. He specifically sings that he has instead recorded this song, hoping that she will hear it on the radio. Now, I assume that, being a music professional, he is aware of the amount of time it would take to write a song, go to the studio to record it, put an album together, market it, and then start getting radio play for his new single. If not, let me tell him right here. IT WOULD TAKE A FREAKING LONG TIME! Sorry to break it to you, Chad Kroeger, but if your friend was in big trouble, they are probably dead by now. Next time someone doesn’t answer their phone, maybe try another method of getting in touch that takes less than 6 months.
What Makes You Beautiful, by One Direction – The premise of this song is that there is a beautiful girl who is not aware that she is beautiful, so those cute guys have to inform her of this fact. No problems there. Sounds like many other clichéd love songs, right? But wait, they specifically say that that the reason she is beautiful is that she does not know she is beautiful! Here is a sample lyric: “You don’t know you’re beautiful. That’s what makes you beautiful.” Uh oh guys, guess what? YOU JUST TOLD HER! Now she knows that she is beautiful, thus losing her beauty. By verse two, everything you are singing to her is a lie, because she heard in verse one that she was beautiful. Now, I realize that some of you are coming up with reasons right this very moment to prove that this is not necessarily a lapse in logic, and I will admit, there are a few scenarios in which these lyrics make sense.
A) She is deaf. If she can’t hear them singing to her, then she will remain clueless and beautiful, although, if she is deaf, why are they singing a song to her?
B) She is asleep/unconscious during the song. Yeah, but…see above…
C) She does not speak English. I guess if she didn’t understand what they were singing about, it would not break the spell for her, but again, see part A.
D) The female they are singing to is Dory from Finding Nemo. This actually makes the most sense. By the time they get to the second verse, she will have forgotten about the first verse, making the second verse true and necessary. And at the end of the song, she will still be beautiful, having no idea how beautiful she is. I guess if this is the answer, then the song does make sense after all.
The Lazy Song, by Bruno Mars – Ummm, hello! Do I even need to explain this one. He spends the entire song telling us that he is not going to do anything on that day, and yet is simultaneously, and at the same time even, IN THE STUDIO RECORDING A SONG! What a liar that Bruno Mars is. If he was really lazy, we never would have heard the song.
I’m sure there are plenty of others. Do you have songs that drive you crazy with their lyrical logic fails? Let me know. Maybe if I get enough, I can make a new playlist out of them all.
I hate the lyric in Call Me Maybe where she sings “Before you came into my life, I missed you so bad.” By definition, you cannot miss something “before” you ever have it. Drives me nuts!
I’m sure there’s more; I’ll keep thinking about it.