Poems At Children

There are many wonderful books of poetry out there for children, but these poems all seem to have the same problem of validating their atrocious behavior and/or teaching them a life lesson in a gruesome manner.  None of these poems seem to be telling the children what we actually want to tell them.  And then I realized that all of these poems are for children, when they should actually be at them.  Here, without further ado, I present to you a short sampling of new poems at children that I hope will be slightly more realistic.

Our bathroom door now has a lock
I know this must come as a shock.
For now you’ll no longer
(don’t care if you’re stronger)
Barge in without having to knock

Be quiet.
Stop doing that.
Come over here.
Calm down.
Take that paper clip out of your ear.
Stand up.
I’m not kidding.
Sit down.
Eat your food.
Don’t take off your diaper in church.
That’s just rude.
Stop crying.
Stop whining.
Don’t throw that.
That’s mine.
Don’t eat that.
Don’t break that.
Okay, fine.

I’m sorry, I can’t do it.  I can’t take it anymore.
There must be something here that we have never seen before.
I’ve put up with this each night for what feels like a year,
And now I’m hoping that our copy might just disappear.
We can both recite each line; we know it all by heart.
Do you even like this movie?  What’s your favorite part?
I’ll admit it wasn’t bad the first two or three times,
But turn it off this instant or I’m going to lose my mind!

I see you standing there
With your arms in the air
Clutching a heavy toy.
Don’t be a naughty boy.
I know you’re thinking it
But no one should get hit.
Wipe that look from your eyes.
Drop it and no one cries.
You think you’re sneaky, but
Trust me, you’re really not.

I’m sorry, were you whining?  I can’t hear it anymore.
I’ve got a brand new hearing aid, and this is what it’s for:
According to my doctor of audiology
It finds the whining in the air and blocks the frequency.
So I will listen if there’s stuff you want to talk about,
But if you start to whine
I will just slowly
tune you

Posted in Bad Parenting, Parenting, Poem.

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